Saturday, March 5, 2011

when we talk to ourselves

the Tuesday evening Holistic Healing meetings
that I attend are just the best
I am loving the attendees
the speakers
the content
and using what we are learning
and continuing on

so far: meditation, aromatherapy, nutrition,
and more to come
the session on "journaling"
which the Blizzard of 2011 temporarily
wiped off the map
has been rescheduled for next Saturday morning
a three hour session
rather than the one hour in the evening
and that is excellent

blogging will be included as a journaling tool
and I know I will learn new things
as I do every session
every day for that matter

one thing I wanted to expand upon
after the post about
identity and losing one's hair, etc.

some of the women in our Holistic group
are bald
some sporting sharp looking wigs
others shining naturally

we share about lots of things
being together
and I like the fact that we have the first
30 minutes for open time
just to be together

my goal for this new year:
to learn from every person I meet
every day
every time
we cross paths for a moment in time
it may be extended, perhaps not,
yet in the brief time we have
even a laugh or a look may be a gift
a few words
a way of seeing things, a twist on an idea
that I never saw before...
I am the eternal student

and if something I have learned may be of
ah that makes me so happy

a woman in our group was preparing to face
for the first time
it was during our meditation session
and I shared a few words that were sent in her direction
if she received it, that was good
it was also good for me to remember
my experience of 35 times going into the
radiation "room"
secured with walls 8-feet thick
I walked in alone each time

and the door was shut
with me inside

my thoughts were what I had with me
I decided from the get-go
that I would use the time as a kind of
healing meditation
saying over and over like my own simple mantra:

I welcome the healing light...
variations of those simple words over and over

focusing my attention on exactly where
the radiation was targeted
and doing my best to embrace
what I chose to do...

at one point in this process,
as beat up as I looked and felt,
I saw my body
in a whole new light
and out loud I said:

thank you, my body, for working so so hard.

at that moment, I felt so moved and there was such
a love and gratitude, a self-respect
that I had never known before
I want to live, my mind is so clear on that point
in the middle of the foggy mist whirling in my brain.

when I share about past events concerning my cancer-life,
I do hope it is not depressing or with a sense of
looking back and living there.
if you know someone else with cancer
this may be helpful to know another person's reflections /
each person steps to their own tune
my tune is softer now

I danced at my client's home yesterday!
Tony Bennett tunes they were, on her Bose
it was solo
until my friend showed up and we danced together!
it made my little 93-year old lady laugh
and isn't that a nice little gift
we gave each other?

1 comment:

  1. I was deeply moved when I read your paragraph that starts "I do hope it is not depressing or with a sense of looking back and living there."

    It might make us sad, knowing what you have had to go through, but sharing this part of your life with us is such an honor, and you do it with such sweetness and grace and style, that I think it would be hard for anyone to be depressed reading your words.

    And I don't think anyone would get a sense of you wanting to live there who wants to learn is not living in the past! But learning from it is good, and sometimes I think that can only be done in retrospect.

    Besides, this is your blog - you can do anything you want! :)