Thursday, December 15, 2011

different day than planned

life happens so they say
original thoughts included meeting with Janet if she had time

and also going to lunch
our annual Christmas outing with the staff girls
at HomeInstead
and I would have loved doing those things...
life happens
to have different plans
than my own sometimes

Bryan woke up sick
fighting the cold lingering from yesterday
getting worse
and I woke up feeling nauseous from the chemo
and we'll leave it at that.

it was quiet here
Bryan and I take good care of each other

then later I went out to the store to get things for him
and wore a fun hat my cousin Sandra gave me
my hair was wasted
and I had no desire to deal with it
so hide it I say

we are both feeling somewhat better this evening
and enjoyed our Yogi tea
"Relaxed Mind"
is the blend
with honey and the sayings on our tea bags:

"The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment."
"May your mind learn to love with compassion."

we'll drink to that and we will also be watching
"It's a Wonderful Life"
Bryan is watching it in Film Studies class
and yippee
he needs to get caught up since missing school today
now that's a plan I can live with.

and right before watching the film
I am going to put up a pretty ornament on our tree
a bell
an angel bell
from the movie set of ornaments
thank you, Debbie
can y'all hear the bell ringing?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

moments & months

a number of times I started to write
and then the words fell
through the cracks of time

not with a regret exactly
more like being in a conversation and then realizing
the words coming from my mouth simply do not match
what I am seeing in my mind's eye
and so I close my mouth
and then realize from one moment
to the next
more than a month has passed...

there were such perfect moments during the three days
of Bryan's performance experience
pure crystals-in-my-heart's-window memories
can they be captured in words? no
yet not to try is to let them slip through
the fine white sands of time
in my hands

this day I have chemo and tomorrow I have off from work
the first thought is to write here
other thoughts include Christmas cards
and so many to-do-list entries

there is something that came up:
my physical/muscle heart needs more checking after a stress test last week
I have known that something is up
we shall see next week

for now, my spiritual heart is more my focus
and it is in the most fleeting moment
that time tells it's deepest quiet stories
when I am quiet enough to listen and
whisper back