tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59082522093715077492024-03-05T19:20:06.993-08:00my 2nd lifeGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.comBlogger150125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-75408461467384624522013-03-14T17:01:00.000-07:002013-03-14T17:12:06.742-07:00Her Celebration of Life Memorial ServiceI would like to announce the time and place in which the memorial service will take place.<br />
<br />
It was Gloria's wish that it be a "simple gathering" at Riechmann Indoor Pavilion at Stephens Lake Park, 2300 E. Walnut St., Columbia, Mo.<br />
<br />
It will be on Sunday, April 28, 2013 from 2:00pm to 4:00pm<br />
<br />
....that there be "simple food, just a time to be together".<br />
<br />
She was all about sharing, the joy in telling stories and that there be celebration of life.<br />
<br />
I would like to express my deep gratitude for all of the heartfelt condolences that have come to our family. It helps.....thank you.<br />
<br />
Her husband, Gary <br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-21903340462775393042013-03-03T09:05:00.000-08:002013-03-03T13:14:56.650-08:00Her 3rd life<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3V1G5i4HjY6eFIE0PAy_rqaSn1V3WqBL7vuMQ2zcDHzJfbFnKxmsjlZed0zFJ_DLAPxAM4chwE6tDVzLksJG7ke5f7eigjWdhuSYepnQxlgVknBOQiaG8r2q42WdMvbCO3KejFj9nvmo/s1600/Gloria+Page.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3V1G5i4HjY6eFIE0PAy_rqaSn1V3WqBL7vuMQ2zcDHzJfbFnKxmsjlZed0zFJ_DLAPxAM4chwE6tDVzLksJG7ke5f7eigjWdhuSYepnQxlgVknBOQiaG8r2q42WdMvbCO3KejFj9nvmo/s1600/Gloria+Page.jpg" /></a>It has been such a hard thing for me to do.......write the obituary for my loving wife.<br />
<br />
We all knew what may be the inevitable, but for her, not to dwell upon. Yes, she was reconciled to it.....and so brave.<br />
<br />
But life was always hope and giving was her energy <br />
and that was her focus. Yet, toward the end, so much came so hard and fast; I could say even unexpected. But peaceful at the end.<br />
<br />
She was tired.....time to rest.<br />
<br />
No newspaper obituary can ever do her justice and express such a wonderfully dynamic joyous life and beautiful heart.<br />
<br />
All that will be for later.<br />
<br />
But I would like to reprint here the obituary submission in this Sunday's (3-3-13) local paper, the Columbia Daily Tribune. It can also be read online at http://www.columbiatribune.com/<br />
<br />
Her loving husband,<br />
Gary <br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Gloria Ann Page,
1954-2013</span></b></span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy">
<br /></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Gloria Ann Page, 58, of
Columbia peacefully passed away Sunday, Feb. 24, 2013, while surrounded by the
loving embrace of her family and a special friend after a long, valiant battle
with cancer.</span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Memorial and Celebration
of Life services are planned later this year at Stephens Lake Park and will be
announced.</span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Gloria was born March 31,
1954, in Bristol, Conn. She married her husband of more than 30 years, Gary, in
1982 in New York, where her two sons, Brandon and Bryan, were born. After
settling in Columbia, her husband’s hometown, she became a local juried artist
with Best of Missouri Hands, established a hand-made card business, and went on
to write two books on arts and crafts making, in which she inspired the
creation of a whole new community of artists and new friends around the
country. Also, for over the past three years, she served others as a senior
caregiver with Home Instead Senior Care. A devoted wife and loving mother, she
was the life and heart of our family. We miss her so much.</span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Gloria is survived by her
husband, Gary; her two sons, Brandon and Bryan; her mother, Ida Rajotte of
Santa Fe, N.M.; her three brothers, David Lagasse and Norman Lagasse of Santa
Fe, and Paul Lagasse and his wife, Mary Jo, of Maryland; her uncle, Norman
Rajotte of Colorado; her uncle, Marcel Rajotte of Massachusetts; her
mother-in-law, Sally Page of Columbia; and her brother and sister-in-law, Jim
and Jan Kaseta, and her niece, Kristi, and nephew, Nick, all of Florida. </span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Her brother Michael passed
on in 1982.</span></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="newsbodycopy" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<span style="font-size: large;">In lieu of flowers,
her wish would be that any memorial contributions go to further her sons’ college education and may be made to
the Gloria Page Children’s Fund and addressed to Landmark Bank, Attn: teller,
P.O. Box 1867, Columbia, Mo., 65205, or to her home. </span></div>
Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-5133420048954170362013-02-26T12:39:00.000-08:002013-02-26T12:46:16.265-08:00Very Sad NewsAs her husband, Gary, I must give the most sad news<br />
of my life....after a long and valiant battle with cancer,<br />
Gloria passed away last Sunday evening, Feb. 24, 2013.<br />
<br />
She went peacefully while in the loving surrounding<br />
embraces of her family; myself and her two beloved<br />
boys, Brandon and Bryan, and a very special friend.<br />
<br />
She was the life and heart of our family. We are missing<br />
her so much. But we know she has now entered her 3rd life.<br />
<br />
A memorial service is being planned for later in the Spring<br />
at Stephens Lake Park, a place that she loved and took many<br />
healing walks, by herself and with family. <br />
<br />
<br />
We will give further information as plans are finalized. <br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-85172504344163652172012-09-17T07:11:00.000-07:002012-09-17T07:11:35.244-07:00such a wonderful wonderful timebeing together with people you love<br />
how wonderful!<br />
<br />
eight friends in Kansas<br />
that state will never be the same!<br />
<br />
from Thursday through Monday<br />
we made stories continuously<br />
there were times we laughed so hard<br />
it hurt and I lost my voice<br />
by the time I was on the shuttle back to home!<br />
<br />
can you believe that we actually drove around in<br />
a funeral car????????<br />
yes, indeed we did<br />
Pam works in the Lincoln Funeral Home<br />
and her boss Bill gave her the keys<br />
to use this humongous Cadillac<br />
that has six doors, seats eight<br />
and feels like a boat on the road<br />
<br />
we toured around in that limo and did we ever<br />
get looks and laughs!<br />
<br />
in one small town we were treated by Stephanie<br />
to one of the craziest half-hours I have ever spent:<br />
renting and tootling around town in two<br />
rented "limos" that were like surreys with the fringe on top<br />
and had bicycling pedals for four people each!<br />
of course the eight of us pedaling around<br />
on the brick streets of the town drew quite a few waves<br />
and plenty of smiles<br />
and my legs got a good workout<br />
especially when our "limo" decided to try to pass<br />
the other in front - the "movie" of that scene<br />
is hysterical...<br />
<br />
it was great to be part of the art show<br />
the gallery was so well done<br />
with all 40 pieces together<br />
it was interesting to meet some of the artists<br />
and to watch the 125 or so people looking at<br />
and responding to the artwork<br />
<br />
from being in Pam's home<br />
I LOVE HER HOME and her NEW BATHROOM and KITCHEN<br />
are amazing!<br />
to getting eggs at the local lumber yard/hardware store<br />
from going to these incredible places like The Red Barn Art Studio<br />
and The Garden of Eden in Lucas, KS<br />
to the Goodwill in Salina<br />
antique malls and other flea market type places<br />
to eating Swedish pancakes one meal<br />
and Mexican another<br />
the fun went on and on<br />
<br />
when you get to be together for a number of days<br />
there are plenty of opportunities to share<br />
on deeper levels<br />
and we did that<br />
when you have all these techno gizzmos and can<br />
look at photos from years ago - like Wendy and Dorothy as Beauty Queens!<br />
you can laugh so hard it really does hurt and feels good<br />
and then Melody records our laughing and so we<br />
laugh even more!<br />
<br />
Marion's home has a view that blew us away<br />
I got to sit next to Sue in the big limo<br />
and that was a treat for me<br />
Barb picked me up at the airport in Kansas City<br />
and we went home that way, too<br />
watching her and Pam in the kitchen every morning<br />
making us all such a lovely breakfast<br />
the stories go on and on...<br />
<br />
I had the physical energy to jump into most things<br />
the other day I did sleep for 16 hours straight<br />
and had very happy dreams!<br />
<br />
ok, work time<br />
just had to begin the stories of such a wonderful wonderful<br />
time<br />
together<br />
and coming home was sweet<br />
a sweet note from the guys greeted me<br />
and I found presents for<br />
my boys' girlfriends<br />
and that was fun, too<br />
<br />
more to come <br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-72607927952349724162012-08-25T18:39:00.001-07:002012-08-25T18:39:19.431-07:00muchas gracias (sp?)I do not have my Spanish translator guys here<br />
with me this evening<br />
<br />
thanks so much for all the encouraging input<br />
it is fun to read<br />
<br />
this nest piece is really strong<br />
it is wired together and there is a lot<br />
of hot glue holding it together<br />
<br />
the angle of the photo does not give the exact<br />
dimensional feel<br />
when I get to Lincoln, I'll take a few more photos<br />
it is always interesting to see how a gallery<br />
displays all the pieces to make a show<br />
that is an art in itself<br />
<br />
<br />when I was wrapping and wrapping the yarn on each<br />
stick... it was representative to me of making stories<br />
in life with others<br />
spinning our yarns, I guess<br />
every idea I had to start with<br />
ended up not working out and so it was a constant<br />
process of continuously changing gears<br />
tweaking and liking the next idea better than the original<br />
one<br />
<br />
I am very anxious to see everyone<br />
and to laugh and share<br />
to see our artwork together is always fun, too<br />
<br />
today is a special day for Bryan and his girlfriend, Olivia<br />
it is their one-year dating anniversary<br />
and they are doing it up in style<br />
two romantics they are<br />
<br />
they are out to dinner now<br />
and I am going to get a few things together<br />
for their return here<br />
for Bryan's surprise for her<br />
he rearranged the family room in the basement<br />
into a wonderful bistro in the stars<br />
with twinkly lights<br />
and memory lane touches<br />
<br />
the single rose, white candle<br />
photo collages<br />
on and on<br />
<br />
time to wash a few dishes<br />
to get ready for the fresh strawberry shortcake deluxe<br />
<br />
thank you again for so much loving lovely support<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-58889334600462717082012-08-23T22:32:00.002-07:002012-08-23T22:32:49.226-07:00mi casa es mi nido"my home is my nest"<br />
<br />
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<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-34724075332133089902012-08-20T07:03:00.001-07:002012-08-20T07:03:24.577-07:00blurthe past few months have been a blur of time<br />
living it was about all I could manage<br />
the chemo that knocked me down<br />
was hard to bounce back from<br />
I kept getting sick from anything at all<br />
that came my way<br />
<br />
such a low white blood cell count<br />
can do that<br />
<br />
and since my tumor markers were shooting up<br />
at the same time<br />
I had to get back on a treatment<br />
and did<br />
<br />
it is "even-ing out" I would say<br />
and so it is best to<br />
"stay calm and carry on"<br />
<br />
there were other things going on as well<br />
for example<br />
and perhaps most profoundly<br />
was the fact that in May<br />
with Brandon and Bryan<br />
graduating<br />
that completed something for me<br />
I remember counting the months until Brandon's<br />
high school graduation<br />
and making the pledge in my whole being that<br />
I would make it to that day for him<br />
<br />
and then, after that,<br />
to Bryan's high school graduation and Brandon's college graduation<br />
and so it came to pass...<br />
<br />
I had not calculated how much emphasis<br />
I had placed on those three events<br />
pivotal moments<br />
absolute goals<br />
my personal conquer-cancer Olympics<br />
of the heart and mind<br />
going any distance<br />
enduring any pain<br />
getting to those lines<br />
yet they were not finishing lines<br />
and I found myself exhilarated (and exhausted) to have made it<br />
with them and for them <br />
<br />
flailing around afterwards<br />
without a clear "next event"<br />
in a way...<br />
<br />
then becoming sicker than I have been for a long time<br />
made for blur time<br />
<br />
there were many things to keep doing<br />
like working every day<br />
and for longer days<br />
and that was good in its own way<br />
<br />
one event on the horizon kept me thinking<br />
and also worrying:<br />
the message in a bottle invitation for the upcoming<br />
art show in Lincoln, Kansas<br />
<br />
for months I have had the invitation on my side table<br />
in the living room<br />
seeing it everyday, having ideas and more ideas,<br />
and then being more stuck than ever before<br />
in terms of having the confidence to just begin<br />
<br />
a fear and maybe more accurately, an insecurity<br />
about creating "art" overwhelmed me<br />
just thinking was not producing anything that<br />
could be packaged and sent<br />
<br />
I asked Bryan if we could talk<br />
more like if he would talk and I could listen<br />
I shared my basic struggle and he took it from there...<br />
his insight into me is very deep<br />
since I could not represent him well enough in my own words<br />
I will say that he knew what I needed to hear<br />
and I was able to begin<br />
and complete the piece<br />
<br />
it was a huge struggle for me<br />
"Am I going to embarrass myself if I send this?"<br />
entered my mind many more times than once<br />
<br />
Brandon and Gary, Janet and Denise,<br />
also Brandon's girlfriend Mahdi and her Mom<br />
(Milica, visiting from Bosnia)<br />
all helped in the process as well<br />
and I am grateful<br />
<br />
I made a rather interesting "nest" as my "vessel"<br />
and the title is:<br />
"mi casa es mi nido"<br />
(my home is my nest)<br />
and I will post a photo tonight maybe<br />
<br />
it is in Lincoln now and that makes me happy<br />
Joyce, the Director of the Lincoln Art Center,<br />
has been very kind and I am grateful to her, too.<br />
<br />
and my packing of this rather large piece (30 inches tall)<br />
impressed the FedEx person so much that I was offered<br />
a job over the Christmas holidays!<br />
<br />
Because I have been dealing with health issues<br />
to such a degree<br />
I really hesitated big time whether or not I would be<br />
able to go to Lincoln as I have wanted to<br />
<br />
this past week, it was the first time in a few months<br />
that the numbers are looking better<br />
and my doctor said that we could work out a plan<br />
to make it work for my chemo treatments<br />
if I wanted to go<br />
and he suggested that it would be a great idea<br />
if I did go...<br />
<br />
but I feel that perhaps it is too late because I have<br />
not been in the planning-loop with my friends<br />
I kept thinking, if I can just get past this, or that,<br />
and then another crazy thing would come up<br />
(and then my mother-in-law had a bad fall<br />
a month ago and has fallen two more times since then,<br />
the latest this past Saturday - LifeLine knows our<br />
number by heart, so does the ER.)<br />
<br />
I guess I am asking here if it still might work out?<br />
<br />
ok, I need to get ready to go to work.<br />
out of the blur, into a more clear day Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-91357894343221244602012-06-21T15:13:00.000-07:002012-06-21T15:13:39.956-07:00good to knowthis morning I was in a grocery store<br />
with an elderly client<br />
what a sweet guy he is!<br />
he made a list for me to gather things<br />
and a list for himself<br />
and he is so together that he<br />
actually divided the big store in half<br />
shopping-wise so we would each focus<br />
...whatever<br />
<br />
I am all over the place<br />
and not so together<br />
as to be able to compartmentalize like a<br />
neat and tidy grocery list<br />
<br />
yesterday was a no-go for chemo<br />
white blood cell count the lowest ever<br />
and just could not manage it<br />
bone marrow got kicked big time <br />
<br />
good to know<br />
why I have been so wiped out this past week<br />
good to know<br />
that I had to cancel a dental extraction<br />
coming this Saturday<br />
now who knows when<br />
<br />
Tuesday after work was the first day in a week<br />
that I did not feel nauseous<br />
so I went to this little Korean/Japanese restaurant<br />
that Gary and I like<br />
and I just ordered my favorite dish<br />
a bowl of veggies on rice<br />
with all these little side dishes<br />
<br />
the owner's American name is Gloria<br />
it is on her business card<br />
and she always sends me a treat of some kind<br />
a slice of fresh pineapple<br />
was like it was sent from the kitchen gods<br />
<br />
she came out to say hello<br />
and also to let me know that she has to return to Korea<br />
very soon to have an operation<br />
sounds like pre-cancerous condition<br />
so it was a good decision to go that day to see her<br />
before she leaves<br />
<br />
it is hard to live this way long term at times<br />
I can go for months into years with a fighting attitude<br />
and have days when I even forget what I am dealing with<br />
then there are weeks like this last one where I am so<br />
exhausted<br />
and I feel like I am accomplishing almost nothing<br />
<br />
I try not to "measure" value by productivity<br />
and yet there are times when that's all I see<br />
<br />
I finally wrote out and legally set-up my living will<br />
yesterday<br />
all notarized and filed and now at some point<br />
I will share with Gary and Brandon and Bryan<br />
the contents... this weekend seems like a good time<br />
<br />
feels very good to have done that<br />
it has been developing in my head for years<br />
and had to be on paper<br />
so now it is, so be it<br />
it is a positive step for me, I was in a very good place doing it <br />
<br />
I am glad to have a job<br />
maybe I am working a bit too much under the circumstances<br />
physically<br />
but under the circumstances<br />
financially<br />
it is just good to know<br />
I can work<br />
<br />
part of me looks this over and thinks:<br />
what the hell are you doing writing drivel like this for?<br />
I want to live in a very different state of heart and mind <br />
so why not push past all this?<br />
in the future<br />
do I want Brandon and Bryan to read this?<br />
and the answer that comes very quietly is<br />
yes, I do<br />
not so they can feel sad<br />
but so that they can know<br />
it will be good to know<br />
that it wasn't always<br />
easy<br />
but it is always<br />
<i>all ways</i><br />
a worthy process<br />
and that is<br />
<br />
very<br />
good to knowGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-85777560852056386402012-06-14T18:34:00.000-07:002012-06-14T18:34:44.657-07:00changes and Linden's batonyesterday I went for my checkup and knew that<br />
my vacation from chemo was going to be over<br />
sure enough<br />
tumor marker numbers spiked too high to not do something<br />
new<br />
<br />
it is never easy to hear<br />
but it<i> is</i> good to hear that there is still something<br />
to throw at it<br />
so swing away<br />
<br />
this is my 5th type of chemo<br />
it is relatively new - I just decided to go ahead<br />
and start yesterday since I was right there<br />
no need to wait another week<br />
<br />
I found out that one of my friends passed away three days ago<br />
her name is Linden and she had ovarian cancer<br />
she was three years older than I am - 61<br />
a very quiet person, she was a scientist<br />
at the University and she discovered a very rare<br />
dragonfly!<br />
she joined our Holistic Healing Group<br />
and at first she was so quiet<br />
but you could tell she liked us crazies!<br />
she began to open up more and more<br />
and we were shocked when she attended<br />
our Reiki session and seemed to enjoy being around<br />
those of us prone to our antics<br />
<br />
I felt quiet sad to hear she was gone<br />
her passing was peaceful and quick like she hoped for... <br />
<br />
after my treatment, I was leaving the chemo room <br />
and saw another of our Holistic girlfriends, Carol, come in with<br />
her daughter and granddaughter - they all looked alike<br />
three generations of Carol<br />
I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek<br />
she didn't look very good, her condition has deteriorated a lot<br />
and she had a broken foot so had to get off the last chemo<br />
we were both having good luck with last time.<br />
<br />
broken bones are a bitch<br />
I have two bones in my right foot that have not healed in over<br />
three years, whatever<br />
the body does the best it can...<br />
<br />
as I was leaving, I wondered if I would ever see Carol again<br />
and got teary<br />
all of a sudden she calls out in this BIG voice:<br />
"GLORIA, I am so happy to see you today!"<br />
and I got all choked up, looked back and said the same to her<br />
and her family...<br />
<br />
I was very wiped out last night<br />
and Gary and Bryan were so terrific<br />
Gary went out and bought me flowers and the sweetest card<br />
with a cute little firefly on it<br />
and a message from him, and Brandon and Bryan<br />
Bryan gave me a backrub<br />
and we ate ice cold red grapes together - I fed him two at a time -<br />
while he kept up with my back and head!<br />
<br />
we watched the latest "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman" <br />
and another science show and in one of the shows there was a scene<br />
with millions of real fireflies! just like on my card by the flowers...<br />
<br />
this morning I had no idea how I would feel after a new chemo<br />
you never know how it is going to hit<br />
I slept well<br />
and felt happy to see a new day<br />
<br />
I thought of my friend Linden<br />
and it was interesting to me - we have not gotten a newspaper<br />
for more than a year<br />
we read news online<br />
for some unknown reason<br />
there was a newspaper in the front of our house so I picked it up<br />
inside was Linden's obituary<br />
and it was beautifully written<br />
I know she must have crafted it herself<br />
<br />
I smiled at getting to read about her life in more detail than I ever knew<br />
and I thought that today<br />
I wanted to take hold of the baton that Linden had carried<br />
like in a relay race<br />
and have a good day<br />
no matter what I might feel like<br />
no matter if I felt nauseous or tired or what<br />
and I felt happy to carry her baton today<br />
with memories of time shared<br />
<br />
I lived my relay with her today.<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-4200126117680383522012-06-09T16:32:00.000-07:002012-06-09T16:32:02.752-07:00Croatia, Sri Lanka & New ZealandI am fascinated by connections<br />
three more countries<br />
in the last week it seems<br />
how does that happen and: <br />
<br />
what are the stories they are living?<br />
<br />
I had this idea when I was a teenager that I wanted<br />
to write a series of books for children<br />
they would be photography and personal story based <br />
<br />
the cover of each book would be a child in a<br />
different country<br />
on the "front porch" of their home<br />
<br />
the idea of the books was to be a "visit"<br />
with your neighbor in the world<br />
so different<br />
so much the same<br />
<br />
a day in the life<br />
type story<br />
and at the end of each book<br />
it would be the child tucked into their bed<br />
or hammock<br />
or grass mat<br />
or down quilt<br />
<br />
the place of dreams<br />
the infinite places called home<br />
the world around<br />
with the strange and intriguing languages<br />
the smell of foods exotic<br />
clothes I never saw<br />
stepping out the doorway<br />
forever changed<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-63793327734463402602012-06-09T16:04:00.004-07:002012-06-09T16:04:31.549-07:00Shelter Gardenstoday was take Sally to the hairdresser and shopping day<br />
and it went very well<br />
I apologized to her in person and she apologized back<br />
so we had a nice new start together.<br />
<br />
after dropping her off to get poofaunted which takes a couple of hours<br />
I had the idea to go to a thrift store and look at books<br />
and found a very nice shirt for $1<br />
oh, and this is very sweet:<br />
as I was parking the car before going inside<br />
a car pulled into the street parking space ahead of me<br />
so this young woman and I got out of our vehicles at the same time<br />
<br />
I started to walk across the street and then saw her pull out her wallet<br />
to get $ for the meter<br />
and thanked her for the reminder<br />
yes, we do need to feed the meters on Saturday<br />
and just as I got out my wallet,<br />
she beat me to it and popped money into mine!<br />
<br />
a RAK? I asked her? "a Random Act of Kindness?" she echoed...<br />
yes, I guess it is<br />
and we smiled and I told her it made my day<br />
<br />
inside the thrift store<br />
the thought came to me: I wish I had paper to write her a little note<br />
went over to the book and magazine section<br />
and sure enough<br />
a 1/2 used box of very pretty stationery with flowers and two butterflies<br />
only 25-cents and perfect<br />
<br />right next to the stationery<br />
was a lovely little book about Mothers and Daughters<br />
and it is perfect for my Mom<br />
so for $1.50 I had a nice thrift store experience<br />
<br />
I darted out the store before my nice lady friend came out<br />
and wrote her a note that I tucked into her windshield wiper blade:<br />
<br />
"Nice Lady... you!" was on the envelope<br />
<br />
I hope she didn't get worried when she saw it: <br />
oh no I got a ticket!<br />
<br />
Having heard from Peter after 29 years having written in his journal<br />
put me in this very nice space of wanting to connect with another stranger<br />
and most especially to acknowledge kindness...<br />
<br />
then I went to the public library and that was a good decision<br />
there were many carts in the entryway with books for sale<br />
raising money for the library<br />
Friends of the Library were there with a table<br />
and so I perused the shelves and this book jumped out at me<br />
<br />
years ago, when this cancer thing was still new<br />
I was wrestling with the whole of it and as I had started to walk<br />
to gain strength and settle myself emotionally<br />
I was at a park with a small river running through<br />
<br />
on the bridge - it was autumn - I leaned against the railing and watched the river<br />
I thought: what am I going to do with all these experiences I am having?<br />
there is part of me that wants to write it down<br />
another part of me that never wants to pick up a proverbial/literal pen<br />
or sit down to a keyboard again<br />
<br />
what am I doing? I asked myself.<br />
is this a journey I am on?<br />
I am tired of the overused word journey<br />
I am tired of path<br />
I am not inspired by process<br />
and a whole slew of words just got mentally tossed into the river<br />
<br />
I picked up four outstandingly beautiful Missouri autumn leaves<br />
and tossed them into the air from the bridge<br />
they represented Gary and Brandon and Bryan and me<br />
three of the leaves came together in the water and started traveling<br />
together<br />
the 4th leaf was on its own<br />
looking at the water and listening to it,<br />
I thought that my course at this time in my life is "my river"<br />
and so that image has been with me ever since<br />
<br />
I almost called this blog "my river"...<br />
<br />
in the library today a book cover grabbed my attention:<br />
it was a beautiful golden autumn leaf floating in a river and the book<br />
is called:<br />
Time Is a River<br />
by: Mary Alice Monroe<br />
<br />
reading the cover jacket, I held tight to the book<br />
and gladly paid $.50 for it, a lovely hardbound story<br />
meant to be in my hands<br />
<br />
the dedication reads:<br />
<br />
This book is dedicated to<br />
my mother, Elayne Cryns,<br />
my grandmother, Alice Monogue,<br />
my friend, Carol Martino,<br />
and to all our loved ones<br />
who have lost the battle<br />
with breast cancer.<br />
<br />
And to all the valiant survivors. <br />
<br />
how about that?<br />
<br />
I picked Sally up and then took her to the grocery store<br />
I then took my new book-friend and went for the first time<br />
(shame on me!) to Shelter Gardens to read for an hour or so<br />
<br />
the sound of running water made a great background<br />
the little man-made stream became "my river"<br />
and an authentic one room schoolhouse with a set of<br />
old-fashioned desks became my reading room<br />
<br />
on the way out<br />
gazing into the water watching the koi sparkle in the sun<br />
leaning on a bridge<br />
I was transported to another time<br />
yes, time is a river that<br />
I was drawn back to<br />
splash<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-6661275805267663072012-06-06T18:45:00.000-07:002012-06-06T18:45:47.980-07:0010 countriesblogger has new formatting and I was fiddling around with things<br />
and came across something that blew my mind:<br />
<br />
it has been traced that my blog: my 2nd life, has been viewed by people in<br />
TEN COUNTRIES!<br />
<br />
after the US with close to 10,000 views,<br />
111 views from Australia<br />
52 in the Philippines<br />
47 in Russia, 44 India, 41 Germany, 26 Canada, 20 Netherlands,<br />
United Kingdom 16 and Denmark 6<br />
<br />
that was so moving to me<br />
I literally felt touched to my core<br />
<br />
made me also a bit on the "nervousy" side<br />
am I really saying anything?<br />
<br />
were the views accidental, just milling around the tech universe <br />
bumping into my world? a collision registered with a number?<br />
<br />
no matter: what a remarkable phenomenon in any case<br />
<br />even as one human being is fumbling around trying to make sense<br />
out of moments and days and time & life itself<br />
the struggles, the celebrations, the victories, pains,<br />
the vast unknown and in gorgeous precious tiny moments<br />
the absolutely pure beauty<br />
of connection<br />
manifests... aha!<br />
<br />
and the most joyful noise of all:<br />
the words: <br />
I love you <br />
in every language all over the map<br />
<br />
it is all that matters<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-49253450016882460962012-06-06T18:14:00.000-07:002012-06-06T18:16:20.646-07:005-12-2012(I found the following little message in "draft" on the blog archives<br />
and decided to just publish it because it was written...on a special day): <br />
<br />
<br />
5-12-2012<br />
<br />
a date in time<br />
a time of our lives<br />
one day when we celebrated a completion<br />
a transition<br />
a new beginning<br />
Brandon graduated from college<br />
I graduated as his mom<br />
we graduated with him as a family<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-24755947062602905492012-06-06T12:01:00.001-07:002012-06-06T12:01:43.906-07:00apology on the waywent to the post office with several very different<br />
pieces of mail<br />
a book on the way to Syracuse, NY<br />
a thank you for Bryan's corporate scholarship on the way to Palatine, IL<br />
and a thank you/apology card to Gary's mom down the road apiece...<br />
<br />
I tried to get an appointment with my therapist friend today<br />
but it didn't work out - need to be here for the clothes dryer repairman, oh joy<br />
<br />
there are times like now when things seem to be<br />jumbled and scrambled up<br />
and simplicity seems like a foggy misty non-existent state of mind<br />
<br />
thanks for the comments-of-wisdom<br />
remembering to breathe and count<br />
reflecting on kindness while looking in the mirror<br />
<br />
no doubt about it: I am stressed out over the job situation<br />
and I am taking on many more hours in my own job<br />
which seems to be working out better than I expected.<br />
now that Bryan is a working college man<br />
he wants to help out with carrying some of his own expenses<br />
and he explains his attitude in such a wonderfully mature way.<br />
<br />
"Mom, I like becoming more independent and financially responsible..."<br />
he says it better than I do<br />
<br />
when I am off chemo for any length of time<br />
my brain makes adjustments literally and physically there are changes<br />
in reality, it takes a very short time for chemo to clear out<br />
of your system<br />
but the side effects and overall impact it makes takes a very long time<br />
to reverse<br />
and part of you is never reversed<br />
<br />
sometimes I see that as a good thing<br />
mostly I just see it as that's the way it is<br />
to be completely free, as completely as is possible, from the effects<br />
takes about 18 months of being on a chemo break/vacation<br />
I may never get that much time in between the need to get<br />
back on / usually 5-6 months max<br />
will find that out next Wednesday<br />
<br />
so I enjoy the lessening of the weight of it all for<br />
however long as possible<br />
and try to be as calm as possible facing the news that eventually comes<br />
around the bend again<br />
<br />
how great that I was able to be free for the graduation days<br />
and mother's day and their birthday!<br />
that was the happiest week of my life I think ever<br />
to this day I wake up and wonder<br />
did Brandon really graduate from college?<br />
he did!<br />
did Bryan really get it all together for Columbia College to work out<br />
and is he really working there now?<br />
yes!<br />
are my kids each other's best friends and are they having<br />
good times together?<br />yes and yes...<br />
<br />
isn't that just great<br />
<br />
I am wrestling with things that I don't want to write about<br />
so there is this schizo-mindset going on...<br />
<br />
yesterday I was almost in a serious car accident<br />
because of a very old driver who made a very bad mistake.<br />
because I never use a cellphone and do not even know how to text<br />
and because I always still use two hands on the steering-wheel<br />
I was able to maneuver hard and fast as I was screaming<br />
and avoided the collision<br />
and avoided the head-on or rear-ending I might have caused<br />
while trying to get away from Mr. Magoo <br />
<br />
a man behind me gave me a tip-of-the-hat gesture<br />
as I was shaking<br />
<br />
I came home and shared with the guys here<br />
trying to calm down<br />
we did not need a car accident in this picture<br />
<br />
Ok, rambling rose is needing to get the door for the<br />
repairmen...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-19987819468477385452012-06-04T12:16:00.000-07:002012-06-04T14:58:59.161-07:00thin iceafter years and years of "dealing with" old folks<br />
in my work at Home Instead Senior Care<br />
I thought I had become a quite patient<br />
decent person<br />
able to apply a sense of humor when needed<br />
which seems like all the time at least most of the time<br />
<br />
their crankiness and pleasantness<br />
switch channels faster than I can handle a remote<br />
some get stuck in their OCD behaviors<br />
others seem liberated to the point of true freedom<br />
to be the best of humanity<br />
<br />
it is strange to see myself in them at times<br />
<br />
I have a new client and she is in her mid-80's<br />
and she loves loves loves people<br />
and they clearly return the favor<br />
she is filled with stories and has a passion<br />
for making connections between people.<br />
<br />
after meeting her one time last week<br />
I came back today to find that she had researched<br />
about Gary's family<br />
Class of 1972<br />
football<br />
whatever and her family came up with ways they knew<br />
Gary and his younger sister<br />
<br />
thank God I am from Connecticut for this reason anyway<br />
I bet she could find something on me that I wish she wouldn't!<br />
<br />
actually she did find something on me on the local level here:<br />
she knows a former teacher who knew me and my boys<br />
from their elementary school days...<br />
I was the white-haired mom<br />
with the two little boys, one in a stroller<br />
who took out books on dinosaurs from the school library<br />
even though he could barely talk<br />
<br />
so the sweet side of old folks comes out in this lady<br />
and I think that I would like to be like her if I get that old<br />
I gave her a copy of my book today<br />
and she was thrilled and could not wait<br />
for me to meet her artist son-in-law who came by<br />
to pick up her trash<br />
what an amazing man!<br />
He loved my book<br />
my little sweet old lady loved seeing yet another<br />
orchestrated connection between people<br />
she will weave this story in with her countless other woven<br />
tapestries <br />
<br />
and then recently I have been short-fused with the cranky types<br />
I don't exactly get angry it is more like exasperated<br />
"I am NOT driving fast. The speed limit is 25 and I am driving 22."<br />
Too fast. (Whatever!) <br />
and then with my OCD mother-in-law<br />
I kind of ran out of my humor reserves<br />
when she took f o r e v e r<br />
to shop while I was waiting<br />
it made me nuts, screws loosened, unhinged<br />
<br />
it had already been a long day with a cranky old guy in the morning<br />
and I had tried to raise the experience up in as many creative ways as<br />
possible<br />
then m-i-l to the hairdresser to get her hair lollipopped<br />
and that took another forever before the other forever<br />
<br />
she gave up driving thank God<br />
and was not really happy or willing to do it<br />
oh what am I doing?<br />
it only escalates the agitation to recall a day of frustration<br />
but I have to admit this one out loud to get rid of it<br />
<br />
I shocked myself in the grocery store when I went into the store<br />
and I looked in her cart<br />
<i>after</i> searching the store<br />
<i>after</i> over an hour and a half<br />
to see how little was in her cart!<br />
I said something like:<br />
<br />
"Jesus Christ, Sally, (I have never ever said Jesus Christ like that before EVER)<br />
is that all you've gotten on your list?"<br />
I tried to sound like I was joking but who knows, I was edgier than that probably,<br />
"You could have killed a chicken yourself<br />
and planted and harvested those grapes in this amount time...."<br />
<br />
she looked at me and laughed sort of<br />
and this other old lady in the aisle burst out laughing<br />
and I just thought I must be losing my mind<br />
right here in the public grocery store aisle<br />
for all the world to witness<br />
<br />
senior caregiver loses her cool<br />
<br />
I then grabbed her list and realized she was only halfway through<br />
and I could just imagine her getting always the third box back<br />
or 20 minutes with the bananas<br />
and so I decided to just go back out to the car and read a<br />
National Geographic in the hot car <br />
I didn't have errands to run<br />
and I was wasting gas driving around and dangerously<br />
putting myself in situations where I might be tempted<br />
to spend money which is a big no-no<br />
<br />
it bothered me that I walked on such thin ice<br />
with humanity<br />
yes, I am grateful that we could buy her car from her for<br />
Bryan<br />
yes, the city of Columbia should be grateful that she is no longer<br />
driving on these roads<br />
I said I would help out<br />
so help out<br />
<br />
maybe I just got tired of being stretched<br />
<br />
putting the mirror of my own impatience in front of my face<br />
shows me that I am needing to grow a better heart<br />
and the sooner the better<br />
<br />
yesterday I was in great form at the nursing home<br />
making Uncle Don laugh<br />
and singing up a storm with him and Bryan<br />
the m-i-l was a half-step behind it all<br />
and I need to be ok with that<br />
<br />
I will make an appointment with my therapist<br />
and talk this stuff out<br />
there is usually more to it than meets the immediate eye<br />
<br />
thin ice<br />
without skates on <br />
<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-42208341085798229052012-05-29T16:34:00.000-07:002012-05-29T16:36:24.767-07:00and the seasons they go round and roundon the carousel of time<br />
<br />
a few blog messages ago a comment was posted<br />
that I would have missed if not for the convenient fact<br />
that all comments are emailed to me in my inbox<br />
so even if someone responded to a post from last year<br />
I would get a heads-up and not miss it<br />
<br />
someone was searching for a "Gloria Page"<br />
who wrote in his travel journal - 29 years ago!<br />
was it possible that it was me?<br />
it was in Chicago. Greyhound bus station.<br />
I took out a paper and pencil and figured that would be<br />
1983<br />
I was in Chicago at that time<br />
I was married so my last name would be Page<br />
<br />
I had no memory of signing in a journal<br />
but it sounded like something I would wish I would have done<br />
for a young traveler!<br />
<br />
This person was searching, and even had contacted North Light Books<br />
they do not have my newest address most likely<br />
so that went nowhere<br />
and so searching in other ways<br />
found his way to this blog<br />
<br />
I asked Peter if he wouldn't mind scanning the entry<br />
if I saw my handwriting that would be clear<br />
he also mentioned that "Gloria Page" did a little drawing<br />
he thought of it as the "four winds"<br />
<br />
the scan came and I could see immediately - YES - it was<br />
a connection from half a lifetime ago, literally<br />
I am 58<br />
29 years ago I was 29<br />
I used to take buses from time to time to get around<br />
the Midwest when I didn't feel like driving<br />
(Greyhound was still big in those days. I had taken the bus<br />
from New Mexico to Connecticut and back again in earlier years...) <br />
Peter told me he had just been dropped off at the bus station<br />
by his parents who were from Upstate New York<br />
<br />
huge backpack, a guitar in tow<br />
I am sure I was reminded of my own escapades a little less than a decade<br />
before<br />
He remembers that I asked if he were writing a journal.<br />
He took it out and it was a clean slate<br />
so I wrote in it:<br />
<br />
"To Peter~<br />
I hope that your journey will be deep and high!<br />
Receive a lot and always remember to give it away<br />
to make room for more. <br />
The world and you will be better for it~<br />
Gloria Page..."<br />
and I drew a little sketch of a New Mexican zia sun,<br />
like on the New Mexico state flag<br />
with two birds<br />
that was my symbol for years and years<br />
always a sun and two birds<br />
<br />
Peter David Wilder is a writer who lives in New York state<br />
he is also a science teacher in high school<br />
he is going to write a third book and it is going to be about<br />
that 5-month journey he took 29 years ago<br />
<br />
he has asked me to consider doing the cover artwork<br />
I am sending him my North Light book so he can see<br />
what I have done and if there is something he likes<br />
we will go from there<br />
<br />
an Alaskan artist friend of his - they met on that long ago trip -<br />
encouraged him to try to contact me earlier than later<br />
before finishing the book in case our interaction might<br />
open something up...<br />
<br />
I am very moved to make a new friend from a long time ago<br />
a hello and goodbye wave into the future <br />
the new TV show "Touch" has got me hooked<br />
and this really is a real life "Touch" experience<br />
<br />
Peter said that in his search for "Gloria Page"<br />
he came across an old blog that I had started and abandoned in 2007<br />
when he realized cancer may be in the picture <br />
he wondered if I no longer was in the picture<br />
glad to say that I am still around<br />
<br />
writing a little blurb in a young person's travel journal<br />
so long ago<br />
little things that we do that touch another person's life<br />
like Peter trying to find me<br />
mean so much<br />
so so much<br />
<br />
he has a blog, too, and two books in print<br />
peterdavidwilder<br />
I am very open to what I will learn from this person<br />
to receive from this new friendship<br />
and to give it away<br />
making room for more<br />
the world and me - we are better for it.<br />
<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-7730297627797713282012-05-24T06:54:00.000-07:002012-05-24T06:54:42.909-07:00time will telllast night Gary was in a very serious quiet mood<br />
and he said that he had some not very good news to share<br />
I felt sick<br />
he said that at work<br />
a meeting was called of all employees<br />
and that is usually good there<br />
but not this time<br />
<br />
apparently the international headquarters in France<br />
has made some big shifts in the US structure<br />
and a facility in Cedar Rapids is closing down<br />
and major accounts are shifting around involving Mexico<br />
bottom line: there will be up to 70 jobs in limbo here in Missouri<br />
<br />
this process will be over a period of time, a year-plus or so<br />
and there are many people who will be taking<br />
earlier than planned retirement, etc<br />
but the tension is in the air<br />
and it was hard to breathe last night<br />
<br />
I am relieved that at least we didn't know this<br />
during the past week<br />
it would have been a cloud<br />
and I am holding on to the sunshine we did experience<br />
<br />
to be worried about it endlessly would be wasteful<br />
of time and emotion<br />
and energy best spent toward building something<br />
rather than being afraid<br />
<br />
now that Bryan has become a college man<br />
and will be working as well<br />
that will help<br />
and it frees me up to re-look at my job<br />
and potential work hours expanded<br />
<br />
a part of me thinks<br />
why am I not doing something art related<br />
to help with finances?<br />
can't I get my act together now?<br />
isn't this a wake-up call<br />
if there ever was one?<br />
<br />
my motivation needs to be clear<br />
I need to be able to physically follow through<br />
with what I set in motion...<br />
this is an opportunity if I see it that way I guess<br />
<br />
my concern is Gary right now<br />
so much rests on his shoulders<br />
and right now I need to rally Brandon (he has not heard)<br />
and Bryan and my best strongest self<br />
to make sure he is not feeling alone<br />
on this road<br />
<br />
at this moment<br />
Bryan is sitting across the dining room table<br />
from me<br />
writing thank you cards<br />
to his high school principal and guidance counselors<br />
for all they gave to him and us<br />
it is moving to read his words<br />
and reflect on what has been given<br />
and planted<br />
and what will bloom from all of it<br />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-45276578166289930622012-05-21T15:50:00.000-07:002012-05-21T15:50:30.806-07:00photos for you<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-615417510642166752012-05-21T15:39:00.000-07:002012-05-21T15:39:02.706-07:00how it came to bethanks so much for the loving responses<br />
yes, it was quite something to make it to this point<br />
in life<br />
I remember sitting and crying when the prognosis<br />
of 7 months to 7 years was handed out<br />
as a death sentence<br />
while wiping away tears<br />
I was fumbling with my fingers under the countertop<br />
counting the months to Brandon's high school graduation<br />
and wondering if I would be there...<br />
<br />
yes, there was hell to go through<br />
and I would do it again<br />
and WILL do it again<br />
trying to get to 4 years from now<br />
when Brandon will graduate once again<br />
the next time with a doctorate<br />
and Bryan with his Bachelor's degree<br />
I am willing to do whatever it takes to get there<br />
to make the utmost effort<br />
and pray that the technology advances along with the<br />
ticking clock<br />
<br />
this last chemo I have been on is really new<br />
and very effective and strong<br />
I took it for about 6 months and it had powerful effects<br />
and also takes its toll on bone marrow<br />
so I am on a chemo vacation (about 4 months now)<br />
and next month we will see if the numbers are holding<br />
and I can extend the break or get back on that chemo<br />
for however long <br />
<br />
one day at a time usually is about what I can handle<br />
and this past week has brought so much into perspective<br />
<br />
I have been a cancer survivor/navigator for 5 1/2 years<br />
I went past the median of 3 1/2<br />
so I am in rare territory and grateful<br />
to be able to say it<br />
share it<br />
<br />live it<br />
<br />
love it<br />
<br />
how did Bryan manage to get into Columbia College?<br />
his hard work over years, good testing abilities<br />
and willpower and willingness to work for it<br />
come to mind!<br />
<br />
from Columbia College, he received 70% of tuition<br />
he scrambled and did tutoring for 50 hours to earn<br />
an A+ Scholarship from the state of Missouri that<br />
Columbia College recognizes with money for four years<br />
after our huge disappointment experience<br />
about a week after that,<br />
a letter came in the mail... from National Merit Scholarship Foundation<br />
we had forgotten that Bryan had applied for a scholarship<br />
from them, a special national scholarship funded by<br />
Schneider Electric/Square D where Gary is employed<br />
it was way back in the fall<br />
when Gary was approached by someone at work<br />
who mentioned about the scholarship<br />
and there were lots and lots of hoops to jump through<br />
and we jumped<br />
<br />
Gary had remembered about it and figured the deadline had<br />
passed us by, until he and Bryan opened the letter:<br />
AMAZING!<br />
Bryan was awarded a very large scholarship renewable<br />
for four years<br />
and that amount plus pell grant money from the state<br />
pretty much cover full tuition at the school!<br />
we need to work out the final details of it all<br />
but whatever it is, it is a miracle<br />
a miracle that he worked many years for<br />
and he is very satisfied in a deep way<br />
if he does need to add to the tuition we will be able<br />
to do that with a fund set up several years ago... <br />
<br />
he also got a student job at the College!<br />
in the Admissions Office <br />
he went today to fill out paperwork<br />
they waived the need for an interview because so many<br />
people at the College were happy to vouch for him<br />
he got his student ID and parking permit today<br />
and starts work for the summer job next week<br />
the job goes through to the whole school year as well<br />
and he will be paid directly so he can take care<br />
of his personal life needs<br />
like gas in the "new" old car he just "bought" from<br />
his Missouri grandma (2002 Toyota Corolla with 22,000 miles)<br />
and the car still smells like it is new<br />
<br />
what a week this has been<br />
it has been shared with lovely people<br />
I am so happy for Brandon and Bryan<br />
I am happy for Gary and me<br />
it is good to make these stories<br />
and I am determined to appreciate every single moment more<br />
<br />
how things came to be<br />
how things are becoming<br />
pure and simple<br />
straight from the heart<br />
to another heart<br />
and the ripple effects are cosmically quiet<br />
running deep<br />
and dynamic<br />
moving us closer & closerGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-79111669654455723742012-05-20T19:17:00.000-07:002012-05-20T19:17:24.364-07:00so many storiessince last writing<br />
so many stories<br />
I could not sit myself down to reflect<br />
it was all about getting through<br />
getting focused<br />
trying to make things work<br />
even now, I struggle with the words of it all<br />
because I do not want to miss the opportunity<br />
to share it<br />
yet the very act of trying to "capture" the dreams<br />
of things past<br />
has its almost-pain...<br />
no words are there enough<br />
in-those-moments-enough<br />
<br />
if I had to distill it all into a handful of symbols on a page<br />
I would gently pick up the cards written<br />
by two sons<br />
to each other<br />
their graduation cards that Bryan signed for Brandon<br />
and Brandon signed for Bryan<br />
<br />
what they said to each other was more important<br />
than all the speeches we have heard<br />
at all the ceremonies<br />
of a lifetime<br />
<br />
it has been such an incredibly meaningful time<br />
so unbelievably busy to the point<br />
of a blur<br />
there were piles of papers on tables all over the place<br />
and we just did our best to keep on top of what<br />
needed to be done next<br />
there were times when it felt<br />
like running the bases<br />
sliding into most of them<br />
and the score didn't matter<br />
just to keep playing<br />
get up to bat<br />
and swing away<br />
<br />
baseball has never been my game<br />
watching <br />The Rookie today, guess that affected the vocab<br />
<br />
Brandon is a college graduate<br />
Bryan is a high school graduate<br />
they are moving forward<br />
with so much hope and support<br />
and I am grateful to so many people<br />
who shared this time with us in many ways<br />
<br />
there are shiny balloons in the house<br />
there are streamers and more balloons outside for one more night<br />
and there are photos to testify to the fact that<br />
this has all been "real"<br />
even though I still wake up in the morning<br />
and wonder<br />
is it true?<br />
yes, we lived this together <br />
<br />
5-12-12 Brandon graduated from the University of Missouri<br />
with a Bachelor of Health Science degree<br />
5-19-12 Bryan graduated from David H. Hickman High School<br />
and is enrolled at Columbia College<br />
5-16-12 they celebrated their 22nd and 18th birthdays<br />
<br />
watching 409 students with Brandon<br />
and 558 students with Bryan<br />
was so moving<br />
<br />
and they all move forward in their lives<br />
as do I<br />
with a sense of happy quiet warmth<br />
and when I remember those moments<br />
of standing up and cheering with my whole self<br />
for their accomplishments past<br />
and especially for their futures ahead<br />
I am honored to call them<br />
my sons<br />
<br />
"I am such a lucky Mom" I have said that countless times<br />
"I am such a lucky boy" I have heard countless times<br />
from two men<br />
now<br />Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-46754732789085905092012-04-03T05:16:00.001-07:002012-04-03T05:19:16.721-07:00message in a bottlein the middle of the week, last week,<br />
a most amazing snail-mail delivery:<br />
<br />
a message in a bottle - literally!<br />
<br />
Pam in Kansas, you are an amazing artist<br />
and the experience you give people through your artwork<br />
is the kind that lasts a lifetime!<br />
I keep the message in the bottle close at hand so I can share it often<br />
<br />
oh, this can only be described with a photo... I will need Bryan's help for this<br />
<br />
on behalf of the Lincoln Art Center in Lincoln, Kansas<br />
Pam created invitations extraordinnaire (sp?)<br />
invitations to participate in an art show with the theme of "vessels"<br />
the plastic bottle is lined with parchment looking paper<br />
with gorgeous old ship graphics (this being the 100th anniversary year of the Titanic)<br />
inside, carefully perfectly wrapped with waxed linen thread<br />
in a tube shape, two parchment papers with the information...<br />
<br />
oh the mailing tag is perfect<br />
the pen color<br />
the postage stamps - how did Pam get the USPS to design those stamps for HER?<br />
<br />
I can carry on endlessly<br />
OK, I have a thought:<br />
<br />
I just happened to notice in a Somerset Life magazine that I finally opened<br />
the other day<br />
that there is a relatively new publication from Stampington called "Mingle"<br />
I think this unique artwork must be as in absolutely must be<br />
published either there or in some other magazine<br />
that will get the most attention:<br />
<br />
suggestions?<br />
<br />
it is an honor to be invited to participate in this upcoming show<br />
and I will be creating a piece for it<br />
my theme will be developed from the inspiration I get from "nests"<br />
which are home & family vessels in my mind <br />
<br />
the message in the bottle is experiential art<br />
I love the back story to it<br />
mostly I love the person who thinks and lives that wayGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-23747731115537328352012-03-26T07:22:00.000-07:002012-03-26T07:22:15.476-07:00dream adjustmentsit has been a week since it seemed our world<br />
was shattering<br />
piecing together a new dream is the work at hand<br />
<br />
thank you to everyone who shared hearts and stories<br />
and hope<br />
with us here at the message board of the blog<br />
as well as personal emails<br />
means the world to me and our family<br />
<br />
I wanted to share a bit about the process<br />
of the last week<br />
each step was major internal work<br />
and I definitely could not have done it alone...<br />
<br />
on Monday evening last week, we got the phone message<br />
that was devastating<br />
and I knew that I was going to have to dig very deep<br />
to find a new way other than the depression<br />
and anger that I felt towards myself for not<br />
having "plan # 2" in place<br />
Bryan assured me that he would not have been a willing<br />
participant in making a backup plan of applying to MIZZOU<br />
and I assured him that I should have found the way<br />
to make it seem like a good idea.<br />
<br />
anyway, what was unfolding was the very serious fact<br />
that we were most likely too late to get certain elements<br />
of financial aid from MIZZOU because of deadlines past.<br />
<br />
what I was not processing at the time was the fact that<br />
Bryan was still being offered a substantial academic scholarship<br />
from Columbia College - 70% off tuition - and I needed to remember that<br />
and see how and if we could make something work<br />
<br />
on Tuesday, I called his guidance counselor at Hickman<br />
and had a good cry and listened to her insight and her<br />
clear advice for me to get my act together and stop blaming myself<br />
and that she believed Columbia College to be a good fit for Bryan...<br />
<br />
I realized that I needed to settle things in my heart and mind<br />
Bryan and Gary and I all had questions about what had happened<br />
I needed the answers and most importantly I needed<br />
to help with the dream adjusting that Bryan needed to move forward<br />
<br />
there was only one thing to do:<br />
communicate and set up a meeting with Columbia College<br />
as soon as possible<br />
as soon as I could know that my emotions were in the right place<br />
waiting was not an option<br />
so knowing that I had the day off from work to have treatment day<br />
on Wednesday morning,<br />
I emailed and asked for a meeting in the early<br />
afternoon... I took a piece of paper and wrote down what I needed<br />
to ask<br />
went for treatment and that went fine - I have been on a chemo break<br />
for two months<br />
and on that day, I was taking the least amount of anything<br />
since the very beginning of cancer 5 1/2 years ago<br />
my tumor markers were up a bit<br />
so I am on Tamoxifen again, but there was this good feeling<br />
that I had lost 20 pounds - because I wanted to - and I can<br />
stay off chemo for at least another month when I will have a CAT scan<br />
to make sure we stay ahead of the game...<br />
<br />
so, the juggling act of dealing with this cancer thing<br />
seemed so small in comparison to my concerns about Bryan<br />
<br />
it turned out to be a very important and significant meeting:<br />
we could finally understand why we had to wait until the very end:<br />
<br />
Bryan was in the position of # 12 out of 135 scholarship day participants<br />
competing for 10 awards<br />
in years past, there has always been one or two students<br />
who have decided to decline, going to another school, etc...<br />
so there was a chance that if that happened, the # 11 & 12 students<br />
would be the 1st and 2nd alternates.<br />
that did not happen...<br />
<br />
it was a long and heartfelt conversation<br />
I learned a lot about certain aspects of the "politics" of the process<br />
and clearly saw the frustration of the counselor who still<br />
believed that Bryan should have been one of the top winners.<br />
Bryan has a strong advocate there in this person.<br />
I did ask all our questions, and when the counselor said<br />
that Columbia College would experience a real loss,<br />
would not be as great of a place if Bryan Page was not there,<br />
I agreed with him.<br />
<br />
He said that he would do everything in his power to get as much<br />
monetary aid in Bryan's corner as he could<br />
Bryan can have a job in the Admissions Office (that would be great)<br />
...there is a lot more but I am trying to pull the main points<br />
together...<br />
<br />
The most important thing that needed to happen was a meeting<br />
between Mr. Kruse and Bryan personally<br />
that did happen that same afternoon<br />
they were going to connect by phone but as it turned out<br />
Bryan stayed after school to support his girlfriend and her music lesson<br />
and I picked him up just before the phone call was to happen<br />
so we just drove straight to the College<br />
and Bryan went in alone to meet with him<br />
<br />
it was a very important meeting<br />
it was the beginning point of healing<br />
<br />
the way the dream is defined has been altered<br />
Bryan will not live on campus and we talked that out<br />
with the counselor and feel strongly that he can still have<br />
as complete an experience as he makes it...<br />
<br />
as it turned out, Mr. Kruse was going to the hospital<br />
the next day for surgery that would put him out of the office<br />
for at least a week, so the timing was crucial that we all<br />
communicated last Wednesday<br />
<br />
we are in the process of reworking everything<br />
the thing that Bryan was saddest about:<br />
he had been looking forward to using the college fund that<br />
we do have for him in other creative ways, such as taking<br />
trips with his brother...<br />
now all the money needs to go to tuition and books<br />
<br />
I told them both that such a worthy dream is meant to come true<br />
so let's keep moving forward together and adjust that dream<br />
not dismiss it<br />
or lose it<br />
but hold tight and see the light of another new day<br />
<br />
the other night<br />
on Friday<br />
Gary Bryan and I decided to watch a couple of light tv shows<br />
that we had recorded<br />
it was the beginning of Spring Break and the end of an ordeal<br />
we endured together<br />
<br />
at one point, there we were, all in our chairs, couch, whatever<br />
and we just all started laughing at the silliest dumb thing on the show<br />
it struck all of us at the same time<br />
and I saw the couch Bryan was on just going up and down from his<br />
big laugh<br />
Gary was throwing his head back laughing<br />
and I let it out, too, in my usual boisterous<br />
"you can always tell where Mom is in the audience" style...<br />
we had not really laughed in weeks, now that is a loss<br />
that needed to be fixed and we fixed it <br />
<br />
Brandon came and spent time with us yesterday<br />
and everything seems more peaceful.<br />
<br />
there are many things to be learned from what we have experienced<br />
it is going to take me time to get the realizations<br />
and that is okay.<br />
<br />
"Keep calm and carry on."<br />
I have that saying right over my head in my room.<br />
Good idea to do it. Gloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-37689079845478916962012-03-20T06:23:00.000-07:002012-03-20T06:23:12.472-07:00"going through it"...there are so many ways of handling deep disappointment<br />
as a family<br />
is better than<br />
<br />
alone<br />
<br />
we finally found out late yesterday that Bryan<br />
did not win one of the ten scholarships<br />
he came in close, something like #12...<br />
<br />
I had my falling apart experience on Sunday evening<br />
even though technically there was still one day left<br />
Bryan came to my rescue<br />
in a typically wonderful Bryan way:<br />
<br />
he had a homework assignment to do a paper<br />
using satire as the style of creative writing<br />
in the middle of this whole wrenching time<br />
he has his sense of humor intact<br />
and writes this great "newspaper" article<br />
with professional-style graphics about the "bullying of gingers (redheads)"<br />
and it is hysterical<br />
<br />
so while I was just in the biggest crying jag in years<br />
moments before<br />
he has his arm around me<br />
and I am laughing my head off reading his paper...<br />
<br />
last night I did my best to be there for him<br />
I did not have the same wisdom he offered me the night before<br />
<br />
what happened?<br />
in July when we first started on this whole adventure<br />
going to both schools<br />
I wanted him to have as much exposure to possibilities<br />
as I could manage<br />
<br />
early on, Bryan was told by an Admissions counselor<br />
at Columbia College <br />
that he would receive one of those scholarships<br />
no doubt about it<br />
was the attitude<br />
I cautioned about holding onto that<br />
but I held on ~ we both did<br />
<br />
I see many mistakes on my part in retrospect<br />
and I see what I perceive to be communication problems<br />
at significant junctures along the way<br />
<br />
we did not need to go through these last two weeks<br />
the way we did<br />
and all the details of the misleading messages<br />
I cannot live through one more time right now<br />
<br />
so on to the next road<br />
we are in scrambling mode to pull together options<br />
we are in learning mode and some of it hurts<br />
<br />
it was not brilliant of me the way I handled everything<br />
in my sadness there was a grief because I realized<br />
that I was holding on to believing that Bryan's security<br />
for four years was set<br />
and four years to me in my position is a long time<br />
if I could know that he was in a good safe place<br />
an environment where he was "more than just a number"<br />
as he would put it,<br />
then somehow I was safe, too...<br />
<br />
the drama will subside,<br />
I will call a meeting to share our side of the experience<br />
in case it could help some future family not have to go<br />
through more anxiety than necessary - like letting us know...<br />
I want to move on to finding the way to make<br />
Bryan's next years inspiring<br />
<br />
there will be a way<br />
<br />
there is a new TV show coming out called "Touch"<br />
and I find the premise intriguing<br />
I need to get ready for work so I will let that go for now<br />
yet there were basic ideas in the series pilot<br />
that are helping me cope with this situation at hand<br />
<br />
we will use this experience and learn from it<br />
we will go through it<br />
around it<br />
inside it<br />
tear it apart and not let it tear us apart<br />
we will build on it<br />
and I believe we will meet people meant to be met<br />
and we will chart a course<br />
get in the dirt and shovel the path<br />
wipe the sweat off our foreheads<br />
and laugh<br />
<br />
again<br />
<br />
because we will get through it:<br />
<br />
togetherGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-26030529684372017072012-03-17T08:04:00.000-07:002012-03-17T08:04:24.728-07:00two weeks = too longthis has been the longest two weeks<br />
my handling of the waiting to hear whether Bryan<br />
has received a scholarship<br />
or not<br />
has not been the most inspiring example<br />
<br />
the earliest any of the ten winners could expect to hear<br />
was on March 4th (I believe that was the case)<br />
with a public announcement on the 5th<br />
<br />
Bryan came home from school on that Monday and happened<br />
to check his facebook page<br />
and saw GREAT NEWS for a friend of ours:<br />
Lauren had won one of the five big scholarships<br />
and the award happened at Hickman High that day at lunch<br />
Bryan eats lunch in the Fine Arts building so he missed<br />
the presentation<br />
we felt happy for her and her family (Jeff's daughter / Jeff is a<br />
part of our HMM group from years ago...)<br />
and at the same moment realized that if one family had<br />
been given news, perhaps all ten families had? and we had not<br />
<br />
I watched Bryan's face and his spirit sink and a wave overcome him<br />
and me, too<br />
he realized in that instant how much he counted on winning<br />
and how much he had grown to want to go to Columbia College<br />
over the months of preparing for the competition and meeting<br />
people along the way through the entire process<br />
he had received such open support and encouragement<br />
that it seemed certain that he would be included<br />
I know that we both held a certain kind of reserve<br />
created a certain protective coating and distance<br />
in case things did not go as hoped...<br />
we talked about not taking anything for granted<br />
not being arrogant<br />
not wanting to expect anything<br />
and at the same time<br />
hoping and hoping.<br />
<br />
Bryan shared with me that he had begun to see himself there<br />
and thought in terms of planning for his future - starting there...<br />
<br />
then all of a sudden a silence<br />
and the earth was not solid under our feet<br />
<br />
I decided to email the Admissions Counselor who had guided us<br />
every step of the way<br />
to ask simply if all the winning candidates had been contacted<br />
and what the timeline was for notification (if there was still hope)<br />
I had not been clear about that from the outset<br />
he emailed me back and explained that over the course<br />
of the next two weeks - up until Monday March 19th - each individual<br />
had a time slot allotted to him or her for the presentation<br />
of the awards<br />
<br />
I know what it is like to wait for things like cancer test results<br />
or for my hair to fall out<br />
or for whatever for me but this has been much harder by<br />
light years<br />
I want my sons' dreams to come true<br />
if Bryan does not win a sholarship to this school<br />
we cannot afford to send him there<br />
and he will go to the University (an excellent school)<br />
and he knows that he will do<br />
his best to accept that ~<br />
going to Mizzou is what Brandon wanted and it has been very good for him<br />
Bryan is a different person...<br />
<br />
I have literally gotten sick over this whole thing and<br />
I am not proud of that fact.<br />
Stress is not my best friend. <br />
There is nothing we can do but wait.<br />
Bryan did everything he could and I am proud of him no matter what<br />
happens with this one award...<br />
<br />
I have watched how Bryan has handled the pressure and am so impressed<br />
I have apologized to him for not being the "more adult" under the<br />
circumstances<br />
he has developed as a man in so many ways<br />
there is a depth to him that I admire deeply<br />
<br />
Brandon has been checking in on Bryan and the other night<br />
Thursday night <br />
I really appreciated his support for his little brother<br />
Brandon was over at our house and we were talking about<br />
this and that<br />
and at some point in the conversation it came up that Bryan<br />
was frustrated with his cell phone and wanted to get another one<br />
but that would have to wait (another wait)<br />
<br />
Brandon had a phone that he loved at one point<br />
super duper camera capabilities, too, and for whatever reason<br />
has another that he now uses, with the older one stored away<br />
about a year ago or so Bryan had wanted to buy it from him<br />
but that didn't happen...<br />
<br />
long story shorter<br />
Brandon all of a sudden said to Bryan:<br />
"Okay, Bryan, I am going to give you your Birthday and Graduation present<br />
early - I am going to give you my (fancy-dancy) cell phone!..."<br />
Bryan's smile made the sun shine at night!<br />
I was so thrilled for both of them.<br />
we made it happen that the phone was in Bryan's hands that night<br />
and after a couple of back and forths to Brandon's house to get<br />
all the parts<br />
Bryan had one piece of a happy puzzle in place<br />
<br />
yesterday Bryan (who had charged the phone overnight)<br />
brought it to school to show his girlfriend and friends<br />
it is like entering the new millenium or something compared to his old phone<br />
apparently<br />
and when I picked him up at the career center at the end of the school day<br />
Bryan got his first call on his new phone<br />
it was from Brandon<br />
who texted (almost exactly) "how's the new phone, CHAMP?"<br />
and I was just so happy he called Bryan a champ.<br />
I am crying now because he is and he needed to hear it<br />
<br />
we do not know what will happen in terms of the scholarship right now<br />
but we will know within the next couple of days<br />
how we handle the news with Bryan<br />
whatever it is<br />
is meaningful to me<br />
there is one thing that I can guarantee:<br />
he will be surrounded by people who love him<br />
and see him as a "champ" and we will carve a path together<br />
<br />
anywhereGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5908252209371507749.post-68302705061606395692012-03-07T14:31:00.000-08:002012-03-07T14:31:23.859-08:00Greasewhat an amazing blast of a time - three nights<br />
after weeks and weeks and hours and hours of practice<br />
for the incredibly talented cast and crew<br />
<br />
I saw the performance four nights in a row<br />
the first time with Gary (Wednesday night final dress rehearsal)<br />
as parents were able to go and take photos<br />
so few came and so our applause and laughter really mattered<br />
so of course I obliged<br />
<br />
then on the opening night I went alone with hundreds of folks<br />
and then the atmosphere was <br />
"electrifying"!!! <br />
<br />
watching Bryan dancing was just beyond words<br />
he was smiling constantly and it was contagious!<br />
his dance partner Nora was just perfect... <br />
Olivia was fabulous a Rizzo, and her songs were absolute high points<br />
huge applause every time<br />
every night<br />
so much to say about each and every player on stage<br />
it was like watching a professional traveling troupe<br />
Gary made that point after he saw the performance on Friday evening<br />
<br />
Friday was with Gary and his mom and my friend Carla and her son Cameron<br />
Saturday I went with Brandon and his girlfriend Mahdi<br />
and behind us Bryan's teacher from middle school now a family friend forever<br />
and her sister and children from out of town...<br />
the theatre was PACKED with the biggest attendance<br />
in over ten years - YES!<br />
<br />
the standing ovations were like explosions of energy<br />
and we felt like we were dancing with the stars<br />
<br />
the friendships, traditions of the musical theatre life,<br />
all of it was just an experience of a lifetime for Bryan and for me, too<br />
it was hard for it to end,<br />
although that level of craziness with long late practices can<br />
only last so long and then there is school and regular life<br />
yet we still find ourselves humming and beebopping<br />
and holding on<br />
<br />
at one point during the cast party they gathered in a circle<br />
arms around each other, singing "piano man"<br />
and crying their eyes out together<br />
how great is that?<br />
for the many seniors, their last time together<br />
memories woven together, melted together<br />
tears and laughter shared<br />
they are free to feel and show it<br />
Bryan expressed to his friend Mason Scott (played Danny)<br />
how grateful he was for Mason's support...<br />
endless stories... <br />
<br />
now Bryan is singing all over the place to prepare for an audition<br />
he has been asked to participate in for the musical RENT<br />
there will be a student director and this will be in-house<br />
for the musical theater class<br />
I will not be able to see it<br />
but that's ok<br />
Bryan has found something very special in this world he has<br />
discovered with his fine arts friends<br />
<br />
on Saturday evening I had the immense honor of "accidentally"<br />
sitting next to the mom of the brilliant Teacher/Director/Choreographer<br />
of Grease<br />
what a wonderful treat for my heart...<br />
<br />
Ms. Robin Steinhaus will always have a special place in our hearts and lives<br />
she is an amazing talent who knows how to bring out the brilliant shine<br />
in young people<br />
standing ovation for her<br />
for my son in his jeans and black Converse All Star high tops<br />
his prom suit and leather jacket<br />
his orange hair and smile that wouldn't quit<br />
for Olivia and her beauty & style, her command of the stage, her presence<br />
and heart<br />
an ovation for all the behind the scenes work, the musicians, the band leader,<br />
Lindsey's beautiful job as Sandy<br />
and on and on with each character so perfectly portrayed<br />
<br />
on Saturday afternoon I got to meet Jessie who played "Frenchy"<br />
and it felt like I was meeting a movie star! how fun<br />
<br />
when Bryan ran to Brandon after the final performance and they<br />
did their crazy hug and flying in the air flailing around routine<br />
I laughed and held onto that moment<br />
forever<br />
and<br />
everGloria Pagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16155002786957782456noreply@blogger.com2