no lala-land here

my 2nd life is not a lala-land
of cancer-inspired revelations
with occasional enlightenment
lightbulbs over my head

the road is pitted and brutal
and I have had my share
of hopeless nights of pain
and dark fears running like
vicious wild animals
after a sickly deer

this blog is perhaps at times
a parallel private universe
self-created
as my reality,
more real
than its alternate,
a nest in the forest.

I am requiring of myself to learn,
use, and live a totally new vocabulary,
an internal and inter-personal way
of relating with words
and thoughts
and spirit
free from the definitions
and restrictions of past expectations

what that means is that I will not
react to old words and accusations
in ways that people might expect me to
based on who we were to each
other in my 1st life

if I am wrongly accused,
I will listen and decide whether
to respond or not
I will not get into the ring
and fight in ways I might have
in the past

I am so sincere in my desire
to LIVE FORWARD.
I will take responsibility
for who I have been
and I will use my life's energy
to create the best possible person
out of myself for as long as I am blessed
to live.

no matter what I create with my hands
no matter how many words I say or write
no matter how much I read
or feel I have learned from others
it all means nothing if I have not grown
as a human being
giving and loving more
today than yesterday.