Thursday, August 11, 2011


just lost a long post.
just as well
it wasn't raw enough I guess

driving along together recently
Bryan told me that he liked the way I wrote here
"raw" he called it
he said he saw it as a book but hesitated to tell me that
in case it might affect the rawness of the way I write
not to worry
no other way now
no turning back
I am glad he likes the "titles" of the posts
this one you named, Bryan

the move happened
we are all still shell-shocked is the best way I can describe us
it is like I can't even talk about it yet...

intense points of goodness, togetherness, frustration, exhaustion,
laughter, sweat, so much sweat in this heat wave
I proved when I was really young that I could live
from what I carried in a backpack:
WHAT HAPPENED? they asked me...
now it is drawer by drawer, box by box to a new place
physically to call home
mentally & emotionally to feel home

"a giving legacy" would be a nice topic
for an article, I thought as I contemplated where I could donate
mountains of books and stuff that threatens to swallow me up
yet would become usefully/joyfully-employed if sent on their merry way
I need to find this peaceful happy place to operate from
a Land Away from how shell-shocked we all are now

my mother is also in a new home, temporarily, in Albuquerque
she fell and broke her hip about two weeks ago
and is now in a wonderful rehab center
called The Good Samaritan - Manzano del Sol - translation:
Apple of the Sun
even the name makes you feel happy, you know?
step by good step...

yesterday I got a call letting me know that my tumor markers are up
spiked in the last month
hard news
will hear today about tests and dates etc.
I have been off chemo for maybe seven months
it takes about 18 months to leave the side effects completely behind
I have not had that experience in five years
without sounding like a whiner
it is like being told that after starting to taste the
light of day
it is time to wire you up again
and go back into a haze
a cave
and you know it has to be that way
and I accept it
and I am grateful
yes I am
and I am also afraid and sad about it
I will do the tests
and wait that endless wait for the results
put on a shirt that stretches at the neck
so they can access my port
and accept with a gracious mind
the liquid-fighter
that buys me more time
the best side effect is:
being alive
I will say it over and over again as I descend into a fog
that I will mask as best I can

we will see
perhaps we can buy a little more time with
another treatment
once we figure out what is going on.
It is always about "team"
for me.

thank you, my teams
I cannot stand alone
only together


  1. Gloria--I lost track of you this summer, with you moving and me pre occupied with cataract surgery. I hope you will feel "at home" soon and able to relax. Wish your mom well for me. Sorry to hear about your health news. I hope we can all get together soon at a critique meeting.( or before) Love you!!

  2. Dear Sis Gloria,
    Home will give you comfort soon, I know it is a proper pain in the _ss :) trying to place every little dang item that we own...but know soon that all will find its place.

    Am praying that your tumor markers will lower soon, thinking maybe the stress from the move drove them up...positive thoughts and prayers.

    Am so sorry to hear about your mom, am sure she is being well taken care of at "Apple of the Sun"...think I found the right address 5201 Roma Ave., ABQ, NM 87108 so will get a card off in the mail to her.

    Sure wish I lived closer because I would help you unpack. When we moved here I said this is my last move, because I never totally all the boxes are gone, sigh of relief will arrive soon for you to....hang in there honey.

    My thoughts and prayers are always with you, many hugs and of course lots of LOVE!!!