Thursday, May 5, 2011

sparkling eyes

ever since writing here last
my mind has wandered around a beautiful moment
part of me wants to hide the experience in a secret treasure box
hide the key
inside my soul
and wrap holy wings around such a time

a side of me wants to share it
only if it is safeguarded
no misuse or false interpretation allowed
no reading into it
no damaging something so delicate
what anyone else does with this is not mine to own or control
so in surrender of trust, I give

I cannot seem to be able to communicate anything else
until I free this story
letting it fly where it may
knowing that the essence of strength encompasses
every word
tears that flowed
between sparkling eyes gazing upon each other's love
in the freedom flight of forgiveness

whenever I have started writing about anything else
I get many words down and then lose them
over and over
so now I will share simply
about a conversation that changed my life
and the life my son Brandon and I share...

he called and asked if he could come over so that we could talk
I can never say yes fast enough
I made sure nothing "was wrong"
several days later we were sitting at our kitchen table

we looked at each other and I knew this was a special time
so I did my best to be completely present
for him
with him

without divulging more than I want to for us
he shared that he recently had an overwhelming experience
in his heart...
he remembered times when he had said things to me in the past
that hurt me and felt so deeply sorry from this place of love
that was newly opening in his life

I looked into his sparkling eyes
and listened with spiritual ears to spiritual words
our hearts met in his serious beautiful mind
and we talked about the nature of love
and repentance
understanding and wishing I could have understood more
during those painfully difficult years for him
and for me, too...

we shared for a long time

at one point, he said:
Mom, of course we want you to live a long time
but I want you to know that if you do die earlier
Bryan and I will be ok now
we will take care of each other, you don't have to worry about us...

and I could cry and cry in the comfort of the relief and peace
he gave me
such a deep gift, beyond words

I could share how sorry I felt that I was not able to find
the way
to reach him in the darkness he felt for several years
we talked a long time
past any sense of time passing
and the washing of tears
made for more sparkling eyes

when we came to earth again,
we pushed our chairs away from the table
we pushed pain away from between us
and we found something to laugh about

it didn't matter what
it was just so good to laugh and hug each other
to life


  1. You have raised two wonderful sons Gloria--what a proud moment For both of you. Missed your posts the past few weeks.

  2. I second what Janet said. Love you, Gloria!


  3. What a good Mom you are, Gloria...and this is simply more proof of that. Thanks for sharing this precious moment.
    Love ya bunches!

  4. I can't tell you how glad I was to read this post...I've been worried about what was going on with Brandon ever since you started writing. I can barely imagine the sweetness of the conversation you had with him and what it meant to you, but I can rejoice with you with all my heart!

  5. To life! Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm "tele-hugging" you all through the Internet right now, can you feel it?

  6. thank you all for sharing with me. I do feel tele-hugged, it is very real. having cancer is one thing. I know it, deal with it, make adjustments, etc. having a mom with cancer is a whole "other thing" and they have their own way of knowing it, dealing with it, and making adjustments.... so young to handle so much.

    I have needed them, they have needed me. we grow together. we laugh together. we talk and learn and relate in ways that are mature beyond their years in one moment, and silly goofy as natural as a flower blossoming, all without missing the humorous turn that might be tucked into the next word, gesture, facial expression... there are times when I feel like I am drinking in and breathing only that which I love about being alive with them...

    is it alright when I write like this, stream of consciousness so that I might touch in words what I am experiencing internally? it helps me a lot.

  7. It is way more than alright - it is perfect. It is perfectly you.

  8. Like Grace to You says, it's perfect! It's also essential, generous, open, vulnerable, important, healing, enlightening, artistic, classy, humbling, beautiful. My vocabulary doesn't have enough words to describe the abundance of it.