connected

whenever I use the energy that I find
in a concentrated way, as in grappling
with my studio
in physical and mental ways
there is a kind of exertion that I relish

it is reminiscent
of the crazy old me who used to go
beyond her limits
yet when I stand back and observe
I really did not overdo it
not in comparison to past experiences

but I pay for it
in exhaustion like this afternoon
and evening
my eyelids so heavy I would need stilts
to keep them open
so I let myself collapse and sleep

my guys know that I need to take meds
in the evening so they come and wake me
somethimes twice

I missed my book club meeting this evening
and that makes me sad
but I will connect again

Bryan and I love watching these amazing Science
shows now for us on a big flat screen
yes, we have entered that room in the 21st century
yes, I was resistant since I wondered
if we would become biologically-attached to the screen
hence never looking at each other
never having a conversation
never reading another book
forgetting to eat, etc...

not to worry:

it is quite amazing to learn about the planets
and feel like we are making the trip personally!
(it is weird watching space-out shows
where people's faces seem bigger than life)

tonight as we explored the solar system
with this narrator/scientist/British rock star dude
Brian Cox
my own Bryan noted how Manchester, England Brian
always smiles
he smiles when he talks
he smiles when he is in a helicoptor
he smiles on top of other smiles

I love his enthusiasm and his love
of our Earth
and his lovely use of the word "miracle"
intertwined with his passion for physics

in a restaurant
a large ketchup bottle became
Jupitor
Earth was a salt shaker I believe
I shared with Bryan that I hope
he does things like that with his own children

I know he will remember

it makes me feel so connected
in the spiritual and personal solar systems
we choose to create that go so far beyond time and space

talk about miracles...