changes and Linden's baton

yesterday I went for my checkup and knew that
my vacation from chemo was going to be over
sure enough
tumor marker numbers spiked too high to not do something
new

it is never easy to hear
but it is good to hear that there is still something
to throw at it
so swing away

this is my 5th type of chemo
it is relatively new - I just decided to go ahead
and start yesterday since I was right there
no need to wait another week

I found out that one of my friends passed away three days ago
her name is Linden and she had ovarian cancer
she was three years older than I am - 61
a very quiet person, she was a scientist
at the University and she discovered a very rare
dragonfly!
she joined our Holistic Healing Group
and at first she was so quiet
but you could tell she liked us crazies!
she began to open up more and more
and we were shocked when she attended
our Reiki session and seemed to enjoy being around
those of us prone to our antics

I felt quiet sad to hear she was gone
her passing was peaceful and quick like she hoped for...

after my treatment, I was leaving the chemo room
and saw another of our Holistic girlfriends, Carol, come in with
her daughter and granddaughter - they all looked alike
three generations of Carol
I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek
she didn't look very good, her condition has deteriorated a lot
and she had a broken foot so had to get off the last chemo
we were both having good luck with last time.

broken bones are a bitch
I have two bones in my right foot that have not healed in over
three years, whatever
the body does the best it can...

as I was leaving, I wondered if I would ever see Carol again
and got teary
all of a sudden she calls out in this BIG voice:
"GLORIA, I am so happy to see you today!"
and I got all choked up, looked back and said the same to her
and her family...

I was very wiped out last night
and Gary and Bryan were so terrific
Gary went out and bought me flowers and the sweetest card
with a cute little firefly on it
and a message from him, and Brandon and Bryan
Bryan gave me a backrub
and we ate ice cold red grapes together - I fed him two at a time -
while he kept up with my back and head!

we watched the latest "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman"
and another science show and in one of the shows there was a scene
with millions of real fireflies! just like on my card by the flowers...

this morning I had no idea how I would feel after a new chemo
you never know how it is going to hit
I slept well
and felt happy to see a new day

I thought of my friend Linden
and it was interesting to me - we have not gotten a newspaper
for more than a year
we read news online
for some unknown reason
there was a newspaper in the front of our house so I picked it up
inside was Linden's obituary
and it was beautifully written
I know she must have crafted it herself

I smiled at getting to read about her life in more detail than I ever knew
and I thought that today
I wanted to take hold of the baton that Linden had carried
like in a relay race
and have a good day
no matter what I might feel like
no matter if I felt nauseous or tired or what
and I felt happy to carry her baton today
with memories of time shared

I lived my relay with her today.