Wednesday, February 22, 2012

cocoon time

trying to find a way to put into words
the past month(s) or so
the image of cocoon comes to mind
I had to look up how to spell it

this morning I go for treatment day
and will get a new med for the in-between time
during this chemo breaktime

just when I get a bit used to shifting away from
the past months, something new
yes, I am always grateful to have a new tool
or weapon to throw at cancer
and yes, it is quietly a bit scary to get into
new territory
not knowing how I will need to adjust to the side effects
that come along

I use the word "cocoon" to describe the last months
because I was able to go along to a certain extent
working, etc. and then essentially dropping off the grid
and onto the couch as soon as I would come home

it was hard to look into the mirror of my exhaustion
generally disappointed with myself
am I depressed?
is it helping to rest or
am I kidding myself trying to believe that?
the chemo was working as far as holding off any progression
and at the same time taking its toll on my energy

yesterday my friend Janet called at the office where I work
and I assured her that I was indeed ALIVE
in a cocoon-state of being
and would dedicate my next blog to her:
here it is!
I want to gently unwind this cocoon
and find a renewed sense of beginning-again

this morning Bryan and I ran out to the car to listen
to the radio
it is a whole story in itself
his sweetie Olivia and three other cast members
from the upcoming musical Grease were featured
on two different radio stations within minutes of each other
an interview on one station
a song on the other
Bryan will be dancing in his black Converse All Star sneakers
and on March 1, 2, 3
I will be tapping my feet in the audience

we loved every second this morning
sitting in the cold car together...

there are stories from Cocoon Land
that I kept in mind not to forget
sharing them will be part of unraveling the silk threads