I would like to announce the time and place in which the memorial service will take place.
It was Gloria's wish that it be a "simple gathering" at Riechmann Indoor Pavilion at Stephens Lake Park, 2300 E. Walnut St., Columbia, Mo.
It will be on Sunday, April 28, 2013 from 2:00pm to 4:00pm
....that there be "simple food, just a time to be together".
She was all about sharing, the joy in telling stories and that there be celebration of life.
I would like to express my deep gratitude for all of the heartfelt condolences that have come to our family. It helps.....thank you.
Her husband, Gary
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Her 3rd life
It has been such a hard thing for me to do.......write the obituary for my loving wife.We all knew what may be the inevitable, but for her, not to dwell upon. Yes, she was reconciled to it.....and so brave.
But life was always hope and giving was her energy
and that was her focus. Yet, toward the end, so much came so hard and fast; I could say even unexpected. But peaceful at the end.
She was tired.....time to rest.
No newspaper obituary can ever do her justice and express such a wonderfully dynamic joyous life and beautiful heart.
All that will be for later.
But I would like to reprint here the obituary submission in this Sunday's (3-3-13) local paper, the Columbia Daily Tribune. It can also be read online at http://www.columbiatribune.com/
Her loving husband,
Gary
Gloria Ann Page,
1954-2013
Gloria Ann Page, 58, of
Columbia peacefully passed away Sunday, Feb. 24, 2013, while surrounded by the
loving embrace of her family and a special friend after a long, valiant battle
with cancer.
Memorial and Celebration
of Life services are planned later this year at Stephens Lake Park and will be
announced.
Gloria was born March 31,
1954, in Bristol, Conn. She married her husband of more than 30 years, Gary, in
1982 in New York, where her two sons, Brandon and Bryan, were born. After
settling in Columbia, her husband’s hometown, she became a local juried artist
with Best of Missouri Hands, established a hand-made card business, and went on
to write two books on arts and crafts making, in which she inspired the
creation of a whole new community of artists and new friends around the
country. Also, for over the past three years, she served others as a senior
caregiver with Home Instead Senior Care. A devoted wife and loving mother, she
was the life and heart of our family. We miss her so much.
Gloria is survived by her
husband, Gary; her two sons, Brandon and Bryan; her mother, Ida Rajotte of
Santa Fe, N.M.; her three brothers, David Lagasse and Norman Lagasse of Santa
Fe, and Paul Lagasse and his wife, Mary Jo, of Maryland; her uncle, Norman
Rajotte of Colorado; her uncle, Marcel Rajotte of Massachusetts; her
mother-in-law, Sally Page of Columbia; and her brother and sister-in-law, Jim
and Jan Kaseta, and her niece, Kristi, and nephew, Nick, all of Florida.
Her brother Michael passed
on in 1982.
In lieu of flowers,
her wish would be that any memorial contributions go to further her sons’ college education and may be made to
the Gloria Page Children’s Fund and addressed to Landmark Bank, Attn: teller,
P.O. Box 1867, Columbia, Mo., 65205, or to her home.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Very Sad News
As her husband, Gary, I must give the most sad news
of my life....after a long and valiant battle with cancer,
Gloria passed away last Sunday evening, Feb. 24, 2013.
She went peacefully while in the loving surrounding
embraces of her family; myself and her two beloved
boys, Brandon and Bryan, and a very special friend.
She was the life and heart of our family. We are missing
her so much. But we know she has now entered her 3rd life.
A memorial service is being planned for later in the Spring
at Stephens Lake Park, a place that she loved and took many
healing walks, by herself and with family.
We will give further information as plans are finalized.
of my life....after a long and valiant battle with cancer,
Gloria passed away last Sunday evening, Feb. 24, 2013.
She went peacefully while in the loving surrounding
embraces of her family; myself and her two beloved
boys, Brandon and Bryan, and a very special friend.
She was the life and heart of our family. We are missing
her so much. But we know she has now entered her 3rd life.
A memorial service is being planned for later in the Spring
at Stephens Lake Park, a place that she loved and took many
healing walks, by herself and with family.
We will give further information as plans are finalized.
Monday, September 17, 2012
such a wonderful wonderful time
being together with people you love
how wonderful!
eight friends in Kansas
that state will never be the same!
from Thursday through Monday
we made stories continuously
there were times we laughed so hard
it hurt and I lost my voice
by the time I was on the shuttle back to home!
can you believe that we actually drove around in
a funeral car????????
yes, indeed we did
Pam works in the Lincoln Funeral Home
and her boss Bill gave her the keys
to use this humongous Cadillac
that has six doors, seats eight
and feels like a boat on the road
we toured around in that limo and did we ever
get looks and laughs!
in one small town we were treated by Stephanie
to one of the craziest half-hours I have ever spent:
renting and tootling around town in two
rented "limos" that were like surreys with the fringe on top
and had bicycling pedals for four people each!
of course the eight of us pedaling around
on the brick streets of the town drew quite a few waves
and plenty of smiles
and my legs got a good workout
especially when our "limo" decided to try to pass
the other in front - the "movie" of that scene
is hysterical...
it was great to be part of the art show
the gallery was so well done
with all 40 pieces together
it was interesting to meet some of the artists
and to watch the 125 or so people looking at
and responding to the artwork
from being in Pam's home
I LOVE HER HOME and her NEW BATHROOM and KITCHEN
are amazing!
to getting eggs at the local lumber yard/hardware store
from going to these incredible places like The Red Barn Art Studio
and The Garden of Eden in Lucas, KS
to the Goodwill in Salina
antique malls and other flea market type places
to eating Swedish pancakes one meal
and Mexican another
the fun went on and on
when you get to be together for a number of days
there are plenty of opportunities to share
on deeper levels
and we did that
when you have all these techno gizzmos and can
look at photos from years ago - like Wendy and Dorothy as Beauty Queens!
you can laugh so hard it really does hurt and feels good
and then Melody records our laughing and so we
laugh even more!
Marion's home has a view that blew us away
I got to sit next to Sue in the big limo
and that was a treat for me
Barb picked me up at the airport in Kansas City
and we went home that way, too
watching her and Pam in the kitchen every morning
making us all such a lovely breakfast
the stories go on and on...
I had the physical energy to jump into most things
the other day I did sleep for 16 hours straight
and had very happy dreams!
ok, work time
just had to begin the stories of such a wonderful wonderful
time
together
and coming home was sweet
a sweet note from the guys greeted me
and I found presents for
my boys' girlfriends
and that was fun, too
more to come
how wonderful!
eight friends in Kansas
that state will never be the same!
from Thursday through Monday
we made stories continuously
there were times we laughed so hard
it hurt and I lost my voice
by the time I was on the shuttle back to home!
can you believe that we actually drove around in
a funeral car????????
yes, indeed we did
Pam works in the Lincoln Funeral Home
and her boss Bill gave her the keys
to use this humongous Cadillac
that has six doors, seats eight
and feels like a boat on the road
we toured around in that limo and did we ever
get looks and laughs!
in one small town we were treated by Stephanie
to one of the craziest half-hours I have ever spent:
renting and tootling around town in two
rented "limos" that were like surreys with the fringe on top
and had bicycling pedals for four people each!
of course the eight of us pedaling around
on the brick streets of the town drew quite a few waves
and plenty of smiles
and my legs got a good workout
especially when our "limo" decided to try to pass
the other in front - the "movie" of that scene
is hysterical...
it was great to be part of the art show
the gallery was so well done
with all 40 pieces together
it was interesting to meet some of the artists
and to watch the 125 or so people looking at
and responding to the artwork
from being in Pam's home
I LOVE HER HOME and her NEW BATHROOM and KITCHEN
are amazing!
to getting eggs at the local lumber yard/hardware store
from going to these incredible places like The Red Barn Art Studio
and The Garden of Eden in Lucas, KS
to the Goodwill in Salina
antique malls and other flea market type places
to eating Swedish pancakes one meal
and Mexican another
the fun went on and on
when you get to be together for a number of days
there are plenty of opportunities to share
on deeper levels
and we did that
when you have all these techno gizzmos and can
look at photos from years ago - like Wendy and Dorothy as Beauty Queens!
you can laugh so hard it really does hurt and feels good
and then Melody records our laughing and so we
laugh even more!
Marion's home has a view that blew us away
I got to sit next to Sue in the big limo
and that was a treat for me
Barb picked me up at the airport in Kansas City
and we went home that way, too
watching her and Pam in the kitchen every morning
making us all such a lovely breakfast
the stories go on and on...
I had the physical energy to jump into most things
the other day I did sleep for 16 hours straight
and had very happy dreams!
ok, work time
just had to begin the stories of such a wonderful wonderful
time
together
and coming home was sweet
a sweet note from the guys greeted me
and I found presents for
my boys' girlfriends
and that was fun, too
more to come
Saturday, August 25, 2012
muchas gracias (sp?)
I do not have my Spanish translator guys here
with me this evening
thanks so much for all the encouraging input
it is fun to read
this nest piece is really strong
it is wired together and there is a lot
of hot glue holding it together
the angle of the photo does not give the exact
dimensional feel
when I get to Lincoln, I'll take a few more photos
it is always interesting to see how a gallery
displays all the pieces to make a show
that is an art in itself
when I was wrapping and wrapping the yarn on each
stick... it was representative to me of making stories
in life with others
spinning our yarns, I guess
every idea I had to start with
ended up not working out and so it was a constant
process of continuously changing gears
tweaking and liking the next idea better than the original
one
I am very anxious to see everyone
and to laugh and share
to see our artwork together is always fun, too
today is a special day for Bryan and his girlfriend, Olivia
it is their one-year dating anniversary
and they are doing it up in style
two romantics they are
they are out to dinner now
and I am going to get a few things together
for their return here
for Bryan's surprise for her
he rearranged the family room in the basement
into a wonderful bistro in the stars
with twinkly lights
and memory lane touches
the single rose, white candle
photo collages
on and on
time to wash a few dishes
to get ready for the fresh strawberry shortcake deluxe
thank you again for so much loving lovely support
with me this evening
thanks so much for all the encouraging input
it is fun to read
this nest piece is really strong
it is wired together and there is a lot
of hot glue holding it together
the angle of the photo does not give the exact
dimensional feel
when I get to Lincoln, I'll take a few more photos
it is always interesting to see how a gallery
displays all the pieces to make a show
that is an art in itself
when I was wrapping and wrapping the yarn on each
stick... it was representative to me of making stories
in life with others
spinning our yarns, I guess
every idea I had to start with
ended up not working out and so it was a constant
process of continuously changing gears
tweaking and liking the next idea better than the original
one
I am very anxious to see everyone
and to laugh and share
to see our artwork together is always fun, too
today is a special day for Bryan and his girlfriend, Olivia
it is their one-year dating anniversary
and they are doing it up in style
two romantics they are
they are out to dinner now
and I am going to get a few things together
for their return here
for Bryan's surprise for her
he rearranged the family room in the basement
into a wonderful bistro in the stars
with twinkly lights
and memory lane touches
the single rose, white candle
photo collages
on and on
time to wash a few dishes
to get ready for the fresh strawberry shortcake deluxe
thank you again for so much loving lovely support
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
blur
the past few months have been a blur of time
living it was about all I could manage
the chemo that knocked me down
was hard to bounce back from
I kept getting sick from anything at all
that came my way
such a low white blood cell count
can do that
and since my tumor markers were shooting up
at the same time
I had to get back on a treatment
and did
it is "even-ing out" I would say
and so it is best to
"stay calm and carry on"
there were other things going on as well
for example
and perhaps most profoundly
was the fact that in May
with Brandon and Bryan
graduating
that completed something for me
I remember counting the months until Brandon's
high school graduation
and making the pledge in my whole being that
I would make it to that day for him
and then, after that,
to Bryan's high school graduation and Brandon's college graduation
and so it came to pass...
I had not calculated how much emphasis
I had placed on those three events
pivotal moments
absolute goals
my personal conquer-cancer Olympics
of the heart and mind
going any distance
enduring any pain
getting to those lines
yet they were not finishing lines
and I found myself exhilarated (and exhausted) to have made it
with them and for them
flailing around afterwards
without a clear "next event"
in a way...
then becoming sicker than I have been for a long time
made for blur time
there were many things to keep doing
like working every day
and for longer days
and that was good in its own way
one event on the horizon kept me thinking
and also worrying:
the message in a bottle invitation for the upcoming
art show in Lincoln, Kansas
for months I have had the invitation on my side table
in the living room
seeing it everyday, having ideas and more ideas,
and then being more stuck than ever before
in terms of having the confidence to just begin
a fear and maybe more accurately, an insecurity
about creating "art" overwhelmed me
just thinking was not producing anything that
could be packaged and sent
I asked Bryan if we could talk
more like if he would talk and I could listen
I shared my basic struggle and he took it from there...
his insight into me is very deep
since I could not represent him well enough in my own words
I will say that he knew what I needed to hear
and I was able to begin
and complete the piece
it was a huge struggle for me
"Am I going to embarrass myself if I send this?"
entered my mind many more times than once
Brandon and Gary, Janet and Denise,
also Brandon's girlfriend Mahdi and her Mom
(Milica, visiting from Bosnia)
all helped in the process as well
and I am grateful
I made a rather interesting "nest" as my "vessel"
and the title is:
"mi casa es mi nido"
(my home is my nest)
and I will post a photo tonight maybe
it is in Lincoln now and that makes me happy
Joyce, the Director of the Lincoln Art Center,
has been very kind and I am grateful to her, too.
and my packing of this rather large piece (30 inches tall)
impressed the FedEx person so much that I was offered
a job over the Christmas holidays!
Because I have been dealing with health issues
to such a degree
I really hesitated big time whether or not I would be
able to go to Lincoln as I have wanted to
this past week, it was the first time in a few months
that the numbers are looking better
and my doctor said that we could work out a plan
to make it work for my chemo treatments
if I wanted to go
and he suggested that it would be a great idea
if I did go...
but I feel that perhaps it is too late because I have
not been in the planning-loop with my friends
I kept thinking, if I can just get past this, or that,
and then another crazy thing would come up
(and then my mother-in-law had a bad fall
a month ago and has fallen two more times since then,
the latest this past Saturday - LifeLine knows our
number by heart, so does the ER.)
I guess I am asking here if it still might work out?
ok, I need to get ready to go to work.
out of the blur, into a more clear day
living it was about all I could manage
the chemo that knocked me down
was hard to bounce back from
I kept getting sick from anything at all
that came my way
such a low white blood cell count
can do that
and since my tumor markers were shooting up
at the same time
I had to get back on a treatment
and did
it is "even-ing out" I would say
and so it is best to
"stay calm and carry on"
there were other things going on as well
for example
and perhaps most profoundly
was the fact that in May
with Brandon and Bryan
graduating
that completed something for me
I remember counting the months until Brandon's
high school graduation
and making the pledge in my whole being that
I would make it to that day for him
and then, after that,
to Bryan's high school graduation and Brandon's college graduation
and so it came to pass...
I had not calculated how much emphasis
I had placed on those three events
pivotal moments
absolute goals
my personal conquer-cancer Olympics
of the heart and mind
going any distance
enduring any pain
getting to those lines
yet they were not finishing lines
and I found myself exhilarated (and exhausted) to have made it
with them and for them
flailing around afterwards
without a clear "next event"
in a way...
then becoming sicker than I have been for a long time
made for blur time
there were many things to keep doing
like working every day
and for longer days
and that was good in its own way
one event on the horizon kept me thinking
and also worrying:
the message in a bottle invitation for the upcoming
art show in Lincoln, Kansas
for months I have had the invitation on my side table
in the living room
seeing it everyday, having ideas and more ideas,
and then being more stuck than ever before
in terms of having the confidence to just begin
a fear and maybe more accurately, an insecurity
about creating "art" overwhelmed me
just thinking was not producing anything that
could be packaged and sent
I asked Bryan if we could talk
more like if he would talk and I could listen
I shared my basic struggle and he took it from there...
his insight into me is very deep
since I could not represent him well enough in my own words
I will say that he knew what I needed to hear
and I was able to begin
and complete the piece
it was a huge struggle for me
"Am I going to embarrass myself if I send this?"
entered my mind many more times than once
Brandon and Gary, Janet and Denise,
also Brandon's girlfriend Mahdi and her Mom
(Milica, visiting from Bosnia)
all helped in the process as well
and I am grateful
I made a rather interesting "nest" as my "vessel"
and the title is:
"mi casa es mi nido"
(my home is my nest)
and I will post a photo tonight maybe
it is in Lincoln now and that makes me happy
Joyce, the Director of the Lincoln Art Center,
has been very kind and I am grateful to her, too.
and my packing of this rather large piece (30 inches tall)
impressed the FedEx person so much that I was offered
a job over the Christmas holidays!
Because I have been dealing with health issues
to such a degree
I really hesitated big time whether or not I would be
able to go to Lincoln as I have wanted to
this past week, it was the first time in a few months
that the numbers are looking better
and my doctor said that we could work out a plan
to make it work for my chemo treatments
if I wanted to go
and he suggested that it would be a great idea
if I did go...
but I feel that perhaps it is too late because I have
not been in the planning-loop with my friends
I kept thinking, if I can just get past this, or that,
and then another crazy thing would come up
(and then my mother-in-law had a bad fall
a month ago and has fallen two more times since then,
the latest this past Saturday - LifeLine knows our
number by heart, so does the ER.)
I guess I am asking here if it still might work out?
ok, I need to get ready to go to work.
out of the blur, into a more clear day
Thursday, June 21, 2012
good to know
this morning I was in a grocery store
with an elderly client
what a sweet guy he is!
he made a list for me to gather things
and a list for himself
and he is so together that he
actually divided the big store in half
shopping-wise so we would each focus
...whatever
I am all over the place
and not so together
as to be able to compartmentalize like a
neat and tidy grocery list
yesterday was a no-go for chemo
white blood cell count the lowest ever
and just could not manage it
bone marrow got kicked big time
good to know
why I have been so wiped out this past week
good to know
that I had to cancel a dental extraction
coming this Saturday
now who knows when
Tuesday after work was the first day in a week
that I did not feel nauseous
so I went to this little Korean/Japanese restaurant
that Gary and I like
and I just ordered my favorite dish
a bowl of veggies on rice
with all these little side dishes
the owner's American name is Gloria
it is on her business card
and she always sends me a treat of some kind
a slice of fresh pineapple
was like it was sent from the kitchen gods
she came out to say hello
and also to let me know that she has to return to Korea
very soon to have an operation
sounds like pre-cancerous condition
so it was a good decision to go that day to see her
before she leaves
it is hard to live this way long term at times
I can go for months into years with a fighting attitude
and have days when I even forget what I am dealing with
then there are weeks like this last one where I am so
exhausted
and I feel like I am accomplishing almost nothing
I try not to "measure" value by productivity
and yet there are times when that's all I see
I finally wrote out and legally set-up my living will
yesterday
all notarized and filed and now at some point
I will share with Gary and Brandon and Bryan
the contents... this weekend seems like a good time
feels very good to have done that
it has been developing in my head for years
and had to be on paper
so now it is, so be it
it is a positive step for me, I was in a very good place doing it
I am glad to have a job
maybe I am working a bit too much under the circumstances
physically
but under the circumstances
financially
it is just good to know
I can work
part of me looks this over and thinks:
what the hell are you doing writing drivel like this for?
I want to live in a very different state of heart and mind
so why not push past all this?
in the future
do I want Brandon and Bryan to read this?
and the answer that comes very quietly is
yes, I do
not so they can feel sad
but so that they can know
it will be good to know
that it wasn't always
easy
but it is always
all ways
a worthy process
and that is
very
good to know
with an elderly client
what a sweet guy he is!
he made a list for me to gather things
and a list for himself
and he is so together that he
actually divided the big store in half
shopping-wise so we would each focus
...whatever
I am all over the place
and not so together
as to be able to compartmentalize like a
neat and tidy grocery list
yesterday was a no-go for chemo
white blood cell count the lowest ever
and just could not manage it
bone marrow got kicked big time
good to know
why I have been so wiped out this past week
good to know
that I had to cancel a dental extraction
coming this Saturday
now who knows when
Tuesday after work was the first day in a week
that I did not feel nauseous
so I went to this little Korean/Japanese restaurant
that Gary and I like
and I just ordered my favorite dish
a bowl of veggies on rice
with all these little side dishes
the owner's American name is Gloria
it is on her business card
and she always sends me a treat of some kind
a slice of fresh pineapple
was like it was sent from the kitchen gods
she came out to say hello
and also to let me know that she has to return to Korea
very soon to have an operation
sounds like pre-cancerous condition
so it was a good decision to go that day to see her
before she leaves
it is hard to live this way long term at times
I can go for months into years with a fighting attitude
and have days when I even forget what I am dealing with
then there are weeks like this last one where I am so
exhausted
and I feel like I am accomplishing almost nothing
I try not to "measure" value by productivity
and yet there are times when that's all I see
I finally wrote out and legally set-up my living will
yesterday
all notarized and filed and now at some point
I will share with Gary and Brandon and Bryan
the contents... this weekend seems like a good time
feels very good to have done that
it has been developing in my head for years
and had to be on paper
so now it is, so be it
it is a positive step for me, I was in a very good place doing it
I am glad to have a job
maybe I am working a bit too much under the circumstances
physically
but under the circumstances
financially
it is just good to know
I can work
part of me looks this over and thinks:
what the hell are you doing writing drivel like this for?
I want to live in a very different state of heart and mind
so why not push past all this?
in the future
do I want Brandon and Bryan to read this?
and the answer that comes very quietly is
yes, I do
not so they can feel sad
but so that they can know
it will be good to know
that it wasn't always
easy
but it is always
all ways
a worthy process
and that is
very
good to know
Thursday, June 14, 2012
changes and Linden's baton
yesterday I went for my checkup and knew that
my vacation from chemo was going to be over
sure enough
tumor marker numbers spiked too high to not do something
new
it is never easy to hear
but it is good to hear that there is still something
to throw at it
so swing away
this is my 5th type of chemo
it is relatively new - I just decided to go ahead
and start yesterday since I was right there
no need to wait another week
I found out that one of my friends passed away three days ago
her name is Linden and she had ovarian cancer
she was three years older than I am - 61
a very quiet person, she was a scientist
at the University and she discovered a very rare
dragonfly!
she joined our Holistic Healing Group
and at first she was so quiet
but you could tell she liked us crazies!
she began to open up more and more
and we were shocked when she attended
our Reiki session and seemed to enjoy being around
those of us prone to our antics
I felt quiet sad to hear she was gone
her passing was peaceful and quick like she hoped for...
after my treatment, I was leaving the chemo room
and saw another of our Holistic girlfriends, Carol, come in with
her daughter and granddaughter - they all looked alike
three generations of Carol
I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek
she didn't look very good, her condition has deteriorated a lot
and she had a broken foot so had to get off the last chemo
we were both having good luck with last time.
broken bones are a bitch
I have two bones in my right foot that have not healed in over
three years, whatever
the body does the best it can...
as I was leaving, I wondered if I would ever see Carol again
and got teary
all of a sudden she calls out in this BIG voice:
"GLORIA, I am so happy to see you today!"
and I got all choked up, looked back and said the same to her
and her family...
I was very wiped out last night
and Gary and Bryan were so terrific
Gary went out and bought me flowers and the sweetest card
with a cute little firefly on it
and a message from him, and Brandon and Bryan
Bryan gave me a backrub
and we ate ice cold red grapes together - I fed him two at a time -
while he kept up with my back and head!
we watched the latest "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman"
and another science show and in one of the shows there was a scene
with millions of real fireflies! just like on my card by the flowers...
this morning I had no idea how I would feel after a new chemo
you never know how it is going to hit
I slept well
and felt happy to see a new day
I thought of my friend Linden
and it was interesting to me - we have not gotten a newspaper
for more than a year
we read news online
for some unknown reason
there was a newspaper in the front of our house so I picked it up
inside was Linden's obituary
and it was beautifully written
I know she must have crafted it herself
I smiled at getting to read about her life in more detail than I ever knew
and I thought that today
I wanted to take hold of the baton that Linden had carried
like in a relay race
and have a good day
no matter what I might feel like
no matter if I felt nauseous or tired or what
and I felt happy to carry her baton today
with memories of time shared
I lived my relay with her today.
my vacation from chemo was going to be over
sure enough
tumor marker numbers spiked too high to not do something
new
it is never easy to hear
but it is good to hear that there is still something
to throw at it
so swing away
this is my 5th type of chemo
it is relatively new - I just decided to go ahead
and start yesterday since I was right there
no need to wait another week
I found out that one of my friends passed away three days ago
her name is Linden and she had ovarian cancer
she was three years older than I am - 61
a very quiet person, she was a scientist
at the University and she discovered a very rare
dragonfly!
she joined our Holistic Healing Group
and at first she was so quiet
but you could tell she liked us crazies!
she began to open up more and more
and we were shocked when she attended
our Reiki session and seemed to enjoy being around
those of us prone to our antics
I felt quiet sad to hear she was gone
her passing was peaceful and quick like she hoped for...
after my treatment, I was leaving the chemo room
and saw another of our Holistic girlfriends, Carol, come in with
her daughter and granddaughter - they all looked alike
three generations of Carol
I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek
she didn't look very good, her condition has deteriorated a lot
and she had a broken foot so had to get off the last chemo
we were both having good luck with last time.
broken bones are a bitch
I have two bones in my right foot that have not healed in over
three years, whatever
the body does the best it can...
as I was leaving, I wondered if I would ever see Carol again
and got teary
all of a sudden she calls out in this BIG voice:
"GLORIA, I am so happy to see you today!"
and I got all choked up, looked back and said the same to her
and her family...
I was very wiped out last night
and Gary and Bryan were so terrific
Gary went out and bought me flowers and the sweetest card
with a cute little firefly on it
and a message from him, and Brandon and Bryan
Bryan gave me a backrub
and we ate ice cold red grapes together - I fed him two at a time -
while he kept up with my back and head!
we watched the latest "Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman"
and another science show and in one of the shows there was a scene
with millions of real fireflies! just like on my card by the flowers...
this morning I had no idea how I would feel after a new chemo
you never know how it is going to hit
I slept well
and felt happy to see a new day
I thought of my friend Linden
and it was interesting to me - we have not gotten a newspaper
for more than a year
we read news online
for some unknown reason
there was a newspaper in the front of our house so I picked it up
inside was Linden's obituary
and it was beautifully written
I know she must have crafted it herself
I smiled at getting to read about her life in more detail than I ever knew
and I thought that today
I wanted to take hold of the baton that Linden had carried
like in a relay race
and have a good day
no matter what I might feel like
no matter if I felt nauseous or tired or what
and I felt happy to carry her baton today
with memories of time shared
I lived my relay with her today.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Croatia, Sri Lanka & New Zealand
I am fascinated by connections
three more countries
in the last week it seems
how does that happen and:
what are the stories they are living?
I had this idea when I was a teenager that I wanted
to write a series of books for children
they would be photography and personal story based
the cover of each book would be a child in a
different country
on the "front porch" of their home
the idea of the books was to be a "visit"
with your neighbor in the world
so different
so much the same
a day in the life
type story
and at the end of each book
it would be the child tucked into their bed
or hammock
or grass mat
or down quilt
the place of dreams
the infinite places called home
the world around
with the strange and intriguing languages
the smell of foods exotic
clothes I never saw
stepping out the doorway
forever changed
three more countries
in the last week it seems
how does that happen and:
what are the stories they are living?
I had this idea when I was a teenager that I wanted
to write a series of books for children
they would be photography and personal story based
the cover of each book would be a child in a
different country
on the "front porch" of their home
the idea of the books was to be a "visit"
with your neighbor in the world
so different
so much the same
a day in the life
type story
and at the end of each book
it would be the child tucked into their bed
or hammock
or grass mat
or down quilt
the place of dreams
the infinite places called home
the world around
with the strange and intriguing languages
the smell of foods exotic
clothes I never saw
stepping out the doorway
forever changed
Shelter Gardens
today was take Sally to the hairdresser and shopping day
and it went very well
I apologized to her in person and she apologized back
so we had a nice new start together.
after dropping her off to get poofaunted which takes a couple of hours
I had the idea to go to a thrift store and look at books
and found a very nice shirt for $1
oh, and this is very sweet:
as I was parking the car before going inside
a car pulled into the street parking space ahead of me
so this young woman and I got out of our vehicles at the same time
I started to walk across the street and then saw her pull out her wallet
to get $ for the meter
and thanked her for the reminder
yes, we do need to feed the meters on Saturday
and just as I got out my wallet,
she beat me to it and popped money into mine!
a RAK? I asked her? "a Random Act of Kindness?" she echoed...
yes, I guess it is
and we smiled and I told her it made my day
inside the thrift store
the thought came to me: I wish I had paper to write her a little note
went over to the book and magazine section
and sure enough
a 1/2 used box of very pretty stationery with flowers and two butterflies
only 25-cents and perfect
right next to the stationery
was a lovely little book about Mothers and Daughters
and it is perfect for my Mom
so for $1.50 I had a nice thrift store experience
I darted out the store before my nice lady friend came out
and wrote her a note that I tucked into her windshield wiper blade:
"Nice Lady... you!" was on the envelope
I hope she didn't get worried when she saw it:
oh no I got a ticket!
Having heard from Peter after 29 years having written in his journal
put me in this very nice space of wanting to connect with another stranger
and most especially to acknowledge kindness...
then I went to the public library and that was a good decision
there were many carts in the entryway with books for sale
raising money for the library
Friends of the Library were there with a table
and so I perused the shelves and this book jumped out at me
years ago, when this cancer thing was still new
I was wrestling with the whole of it and as I had started to walk
to gain strength and settle myself emotionally
I was at a park with a small river running through
on the bridge - it was autumn - I leaned against the railing and watched the river
I thought: what am I going to do with all these experiences I am having?
there is part of me that wants to write it down
another part of me that never wants to pick up a proverbial/literal pen
or sit down to a keyboard again
what am I doing? I asked myself.
is this a journey I am on?
I am tired of the overused word journey
I am tired of path
I am not inspired by process
and a whole slew of words just got mentally tossed into the river
I picked up four outstandingly beautiful Missouri autumn leaves
and tossed them into the air from the bridge
they represented Gary and Brandon and Bryan and me
three of the leaves came together in the water and started traveling
together
the 4th leaf was on its own
looking at the water and listening to it,
I thought that my course at this time in my life is "my river"
and so that image has been with me ever since
I almost called this blog "my river"...
in the library today a book cover grabbed my attention:
it was a beautiful golden autumn leaf floating in a river and the book
is called:
Time Is a River
by: Mary Alice Monroe
reading the cover jacket, I held tight to the book
and gladly paid $.50 for it, a lovely hardbound story
meant to be in my hands
the dedication reads:
This book is dedicated to
my mother, Elayne Cryns,
my grandmother, Alice Monogue,
my friend, Carol Martino,
and to all our loved ones
who have lost the battle
with breast cancer.
And to all the valiant survivors.
how about that?
I picked Sally up and then took her to the grocery store
I then took my new book-friend and went for the first time
(shame on me!) to Shelter Gardens to read for an hour or so
the sound of running water made a great background
the little man-made stream became "my river"
and an authentic one room schoolhouse with a set of
old-fashioned desks became my reading room
on the way out
gazing into the water watching the koi sparkle in the sun
leaning on a bridge
I was transported to another time
yes, time is a river that
I was drawn back to
splash
and it went very well
I apologized to her in person and she apologized back
so we had a nice new start together.
after dropping her off to get poofaunted which takes a couple of hours
I had the idea to go to a thrift store and look at books
and found a very nice shirt for $1
oh, and this is very sweet:
as I was parking the car before going inside
a car pulled into the street parking space ahead of me
so this young woman and I got out of our vehicles at the same time
I started to walk across the street and then saw her pull out her wallet
to get $ for the meter
and thanked her for the reminder
yes, we do need to feed the meters on Saturday
and just as I got out my wallet,
she beat me to it and popped money into mine!
a RAK? I asked her? "a Random Act of Kindness?" she echoed...
yes, I guess it is
and we smiled and I told her it made my day
inside the thrift store
the thought came to me: I wish I had paper to write her a little note
went over to the book and magazine section
and sure enough
a 1/2 used box of very pretty stationery with flowers and two butterflies
only 25-cents and perfect
right next to the stationery
was a lovely little book about Mothers and Daughters
and it is perfect for my Mom
so for $1.50 I had a nice thrift store experience
I darted out the store before my nice lady friend came out
and wrote her a note that I tucked into her windshield wiper blade:
"Nice Lady... you!" was on the envelope
I hope she didn't get worried when she saw it:
oh no I got a ticket!
Having heard from Peter after 29 years having written in his journal
put me in this very nice space of wanting to connect with another stranger
and most especially to acknowledge kindness...
then I went to the public library and that was a good decision
there were many carts in the entryway with books for sale
raising money for the library
Friends of the Library were there with a table
and so I perused the shelves and this book jumped out at me
years ago, when this cancer thing was still new
I was wrestling with the whole of it and as I had started to walk
to gain strength and settle myself emotionally
I was at a park with a small river running through
on the bridge - it was autumn - I leaned against the railing and watched the river
I thought: what am I going to do with all these experiences I am having?
there is part of me that wants to write it down
another part of me that never wants to pick up a proverbial/literal pen
or sit down to a keyboard again
what am I doing? I asked myself.
is this a journey I am on?
I am tired of the overused word journey
I am tired of path
I am not inspired by process
and a whole slew of words just got mentally tossed into the river
I picked up four outstandingly beautiful Missouri autumn leaves
and tossed them into the air from the bridge
they represented Gary and Brandon and Bryan and me
three of the leaves came together in the water and started traveling
together
the 4th leaf was on its own
looking at the water and listening to it,
I thought that my course at this time in my life is "my river"
and so that image has been with me ever since
I almost called this blog "my river"...
in the library today a book cover grabbed my attention:
it was a beautiful golden autumn leaf floating in a river and the book
is called:
Time Is a River
by: Mary Alice Monroe
reading the cover jacket, I held tight to the book
and gladly paid $.50 for it, a lovely hardbound story
meant to be in my hands
the dedication reads:
This book is dedicated to
my mother, Elayne Cryns,
my grandmother, Alice Monogue,
my friend, Carol Martino,
and to all our loved ones
who have lost the battle
with breast cancer.
And to all the valiant survivors.
how about that?
I picked Sally up and then took her to the grocery store
I then took my new book-friend and went for the first time
(shame on me!) to Shelter Gardens to read for an hour or so
the sound of running water made a great background
the little man-made stream became "my river"
and an authentic one room schoolhouse with a set of
old-fashioned desks became my reading room
on the way out
gazing into the water watching the koi sparkle in the sun
leaning on a bridge
I was transported to another time
yes, time is a river that
I was drawn back to
splash
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
10 countries
blogger has new formatting and I was fiddling around with things
and came across something that blew my mind:
it has been traced that my blog: my 2nd life, has been viewed by people in
TEN COUNTRIES!
after the US with close to 10,000 views,
111 views from Australia
52 in the Philippines
47 in Russia, 44 India, 41 Germany, 26 Canada, 20 Netherlands,
United Kingdom 16 and Denmark 6
that was so moving to me
I literally felt touched to my core
made me also a bit on the "nervousy" side
am I really saying anything?
were the views accidental, just milling around the tech universe
bumping into my world? a collision registered with a number?
no matter: what a remarkable phenomenon in any case
even as one human being is fumbling around trying to make sense
out of moments and days and time & life itself
the struggles, the celebrations, the victories, pains,
the vast unknown and in gorgeous precious tiny moments
the absolutely pure beauty
of connection
manifests... aha!
and the most joyful noise of all:
the words:
I love you
in every language all over the map
it is all that matters
and came across something that blew my mind:
it has been traced that my blog: my 2nd life, has been viewed by people in
TEN COUNTRIES!
after the US with close to 10,000 views,
111 views from Australia
52 in the Philippines
47 in Russia, 44 India, 41 Germany, 26 Canada, 20 Netherlands,
United Kingdom 16 and Denmark 6
that was so moving to me
I literally felt touched to my core
made me also a bit on the "nervousy" side
am I really saying anything?
were the views accidental, just milling around the tech universe
bumping into my world? a collision registered with a number?
no matter: what a remarkable phenomenon in any case
even as one human being is fumbling around trying to make sense
out of moments and days and time & life itself
the struggles, the celebrations, the victories, pains,
the vast unknown and in gorgeous precious tiny moments
the absolutely pure beauty
of connection
manifests... aha!
and the most joyful noise of all:
the words:
I love you
in every language all over the map
it is all that matters
5-12-2012
(I found the following little message in "draft" on the blog archives
and decided to just publish it because it was written...on a special day):
5-12-2012
a date in time
a time of our lives
one day when we celebrated a completion
a transition
a new beginning
Brandon graduated from college
I graduated as his mom
we graduated with him as a family
and decided to just publish it because it was written...on a special day):
5-12-2012
a date in time
a time of our lives
one day when we celebrated a completion
a transition
a new beginning
Brandon graduated from college
I graduated as his mom
we graduated with him as a family
apology on the way
went to the post office with several very different
pieces of mail
a book on the way to Syracuse, NY
a thank you for Bryan's corporate scholarship on the way to Palatine, IL
and a thank you/apology card to Gary's mom down the road apiece...
I tried to get an appointment with my therapist friend today
but it didn't work out - need to be here for the clothes dryer repairman, oh joy
there are times like now when things seem to be
jumbled and scrambled up
and simplicity seems like a foggy misty non-existent state of mind
thanks for the comments-of-wisdom
remembering to breathe and count
reflecting on kindness while looking in the mirror
no doubt about it: I am stressed out over the job situation
and I am taking on many more hours in my own job
which seems to be working out better than I expected.
now that Bryan is a working college man
he wants to help out with carrying some of his own expenses
and he explains his attitude in such a wonderfully mature way.
"Mom, I like becoming more independent and financially responsible..."
he says it better than I do
when I am off chemo for any length of time
my brain makes adjustments literally and physically there are changes
in reality, it takes a very short time for chemo to clear out
of your system
but the side effects and overall impact it makes takes a very long time
to reverse
and part of you is never reversed
sometimes I see that as a good thing
mostly I just see it as that's the way it is
to be completely free, as completely as is possible, from the effects
takes about 18 months of being on a chemo break/vacation
I may never get that much time in between the need to get
back on / usually 5-6 months max
will find that out next Wednesday
so I enjoy the lessening of the weight of it all for
however long as possible
and try to be as calm as possible facing the news that eventually comes
around the bend again
how great that I was able to be free for the graduation days
and mother's day and their birthday!
that was the happiest week of my life I think ever
to this day I wake up and wonder
did Brandon really graduate from college?
he did!
did Bryan really get it all together for Columbia College to work out
and is he really working there now?
yes!
are my kids each other's best friends and are they having
good times together?
yes and yes...
isn't that just great
I am wrestling with things that I don't want to write about
so there is this schizo-mindset going on...
yesterday I was almost in a serious car accident
because of a very old driver who made a very bad mistake.
because I never use a cellphone and do not even know how to text
and because I always still use two hands on the steering-wheel
I was able to maneuver hard and fast as I was screaming
and avoided the collision
and avoided the head-on or rear-ending I might have caused
while trying to get away from Mr. Magoo
a man behind me gave me a tip-of-the-hat gesture
as I was shaking
I came home and shared with the guys here
trying to calm down
we did not need a car accident in this picture
Ok, rambling rose is needing to get the door for the
repairmen...
pieces of mail
a book on the way to Syracuse, NY
a thank you for Bryan's corporate scholarship on the way to Palatine, IL
and a thank you/apology card to Gary's mom down the road apiece...
I tried to get an appointment with my therapist friend today
but it didn't work out - need to be here for the clothes dryer repairman, oh joy
there are times like now when things seem to be
jumbled and scrambled up
and simplicity seems like a foggy misty non-existent state of mind
thanks for the comments-of-wisdom
remembering to breathe and count
reflecting on kindness while looking in the mirror
no doubt about it: I am stressed out over the job situation
and I am taking on many more hours in my own job
which seems to be working out better than I expected.
now that Bryan is a working college man
he wants to help out with carrying some of his own expenses
and he explains his attitude in such a wonderfully mature way.
"Mom, I like becoming more independent and financially responsible..."
he says it better than I do
when I am off chemo for any length of time
my brain makes adjustments literally and physically there are changes
in reality, it takes a very short time for chemo to clear out
of your system
but the side effects and overall impact it makes takes a very long time
to reverse
and part of you is never reversed
sometimes I see that as a good thing
mostly I just see it as that's the way it is
to be completely free, as completely as is possible, from the effects
takes about 18 months of being on a chemo break/vacation
I may never get that much time in between the need to get
back on / usually 5-6 months max
will find that out next Wednesday
so I enjoy the lessening of the weight of it all for
however long as possible
and try to be as calm as possible facing the news that eventually comes
around the bend again
how great that I was able to be free for the graduation days
and mother's day and their birthday!
that was the happiest week of my life I think ever
to this day I wake up and wonder
did Brandon really graduate from college?
he did!
did Bryan really get it all together for Columbia College to work out
and is he really working there now?
yes!
are my kids each other's best friends and are they having
good times together?
yes and yes...
isn't that just great
I am wrestling with things that I don't want to write about
so there is this schizo-mindset going on...
yesterday I was almost in a serious car accident
because of a very old driver who made a very bad mistake.
because I never use a cellphone and do not even know how to text
and because I always still use two hands on the steering-wheel
I was able to maneuver hard and fast as I was screaming
and avoided the collision
and avoided the head-on or rear-ending I might have caused
while trying to get away from Mr. Magoo
a man behind me gave me a tip-of-the-hat gesture
as I was shaking
I came home and shared with the guys here
trying to calm down
we did not need a car accident in this picture
Ok, rambling rose is needing to get the door for the
repairmen...
Monday, June 4, 2012
thin ice
after years and years of "dealing with" old folks
in my work at Home Instead Senior Care
I thought I had become a quite patient
decent person
able to apply a sense of humor when needed
which seems like all the time at least most of the time
their crankiness and pleasantness
switch channels faster than I can handle a remote
some get stuck in their OCD behaviors
others seem liberated to the point of true freedom
to be the best of humanity
it is strange to see myself in them at times
I have a new client and she is in her mid-80's
and she loves loves loves people
and they clearly return the favor
she is filled with stories and has a passion
for making connections between people.
after meeting her one time last week
I came back today to find that she had researched
about Gary's family
Class of 1972
football
whatever and her family came up with ways they knew
Gary and his younger sister
thank God I am from Connecticut for this reason anyway
I bet she could find something on me that I wish she wouldn't!
actually she did find something on me on the local level here:
she knows a former teacher who knew me and my boys
from their elementary school days...
I was the white-haired mom
with the two little boys, one in a stroller
who took out books on dinosaurs from the school library
even though he could barely talk
so the sweet side of old folks comes out in this lady
and I think that I would like to be like her if I get that old
I gave her a copy of my book today
and she was thrilled and could not wait
for me to meet her artist son-in-law who came by
to pick up her trash
what an amazing man!
He loved my book
my little sweet old lady loved seeing yet another
orchestrated connection between people
she will weave this story in with her countless other woven
tapestries
and then recently I have been short-fused with the cranky types
I don't exactly get angry it is more like exasperated
"I am NOT driving fast. The speed limit is 25 and I am driving 22."
Too fast. (Whatever!)
and then with my OCD mother-in-law
I kind of ran out of my humor reserves
when she took f o r e v e r
to shop while I was waiting
it made me nuts, screws loosened, unhinged
it had already been a long day with a cranky old guy in the morning
and I had tried to raise the experience up in as many creative ways as
possible
then m-i-l to the hairdresser to get her hair lollipopped
and that took another forever before the other forever
she gave up driving thank God
and was not really happy or willing to do it
oh what am I doing?
it only escalates the agitation to recall a day of frustration
but I have to admit this one out loud to get rid of it
I shocked myself in the grocery store when I went into the store
and I looked in her cart
after searching the store
after over an hour and a half
to see how little was in her cart!
I said something like:
"Jesus Christ, Sally, (I have never ever said Jesus Christ like that before EVER)
is that all you've gotten on your list?"
I tried to sound like I was joking but who knows, I was edgier than that probably,
"You could have killed a chicken yourself
and planted and harvested those grapes in this amount time...."
she looked at me and laughed sort of
and this other old lady in the aisle burst out laughing
and I just thought I must be losing my mind
right here in the public grocery store aisle
for all the world to witness
senior caregiver loses her cool
I then grabbed her list and realized she was only halfway through
and I could just imagine her getting always the third box back
or 20 minutes with the bananas
and so I decided to just go back out to the car and read a
National Geographic in the hot car
I didn't have errands to run
and I was wasting gas driving around and dangerously
putting myself in situations where I might be tempted
to spend money which is a big no-no
it bothered me that I walked on such thin ice
with humanity
yes, I am grateful that we could buy her car from her for
Bryan
yes, the city of Columbia should be grateful that she is no longer
driving on these roads
I said I would help out
so help out
maybe I just got tired of being stretched
putting the mirror of my own impatience in front of my face
shows me that I am needing to grow a better heart
and the sooner the better
yesterday I was in great form at the nursing home
making Uncle Don laugh
and singing up a storm with him and Bryan
the m-i-l was a half-step behind it all
and I need to be ok with that
I will make an appointment with my therapist
and talk this stuff out
there is usually more to it than meets the immediate eye
thin ice
without skates on
in my work at Home Instead Senior Care
I thought I had become a quite patient
decent person
able to apply a sense of humor when needed
which seems like all the time at least most of the time
their crankiness and pleasantness
switch channels faster than I can handle a remote
some get stuck in their OCD behaviors
others seem liberated to the point of true freedom
to be the best of humanity
it is strange to see myself in them at times
I have a new client and she is in her mid-80's
and she loves loves loves people
and they clearly return the favor
she is filled with stories and has a passion
for making connections between people.
after meeting her one time last week
I came back today to find that she had researched
about Gary's family
Class of 1972
football
whatever and her family came up with ways they knew
Gary and his younger sister
thank God I am from Connecticut for this reason anyway
I bet she could find something on me that I wish she wouldn't!
actually she did find something on me on the local level here:
she knows a former teacher who knew me and my boys
from their elementary school days...
I was the white-haired mom
with the two little boys, one in a stroller
who took out books on dinosaurs from the school library
even though he could barely talk
so the sweet side of old folks comes out in this lady
and I think that I would like to be like her if I get that old
I gave her a copy of my book today
and she was thrilled and could not wait
for me to meet her artist son-in-law who came by
to pick up her trash
what an amazing man!
He loved my book
my little sweet old lady loved seeing yet another
orchestrated connection between people
she will weave this story in with her countless other woven
tapestries
and then recently I have been short-fused with the cranky types
I don't exactly get angry it is more like exasperated
"I am NOT driving fast. The speed limit is 25 and I am driving 22."
Too fast. (Whatever!)
and then with my OCD mother-in-law
I kind of ran out of my humor reserves
when she took f o r e v e r
to shop while I was waiting
it made me nuts, screws loosened, unhinged
it had already been a long day with a cranky old guy in the morning
and I had tried to raise the experience up in as many creative ways as
possible
then m-i-l to the hairdresser to get her hair lollipopped
and that took another forever before the other forever
she gave up driving thank God
and was not really happy or willing to do it
oh what am I doing?
it only escalates the agitation to recall a day of frustration
but I have to admit this one out loud to get rid of it
I shocked myself in the grocery store when I went into the store
and I looked in her cart
after searching the store
after over an hour and a half
to see how little was in her cart!
I said something like:
"Jesus Christ, Sally, (I have never ever said Jesus Christ like that before EVER)
is that all you've gotten on your list?"
I tried to sound like I was joking but who knows, I was edgier than that probably,
"You could have killed a chicken yourself
and planted and harvested those grapes in this amount time...."
she looked at me and laughed sort of
and this other old lady in the aisle burst out laughing
and I just thought I must be losing my mind
right here in the public grocery store aisle
for all the world to witness
senior caregiver loses her cool
I then grabbed her list and realized she was only halfway through
and I could just imagine her getting always the third box back
or 20 minutes with the bananas
and so I decided to just go back out to the car and read a
National Geographic in the hot car
I didn't have errands to run
and I was wasting gas driving around and dangerously
putting myself in situations where I might be tempted
to spend money which is a big no-no
it bothered me that I walked on such thin ice
with humanity
yes, I am grateful that we could buy her car from her for
Bryan
yes, the city of Columbia should be grateful that she is no longer
driving on these roads
I said I would help out
so help out
maybe I just got tired of being stretched
putting the mirror of my own impatience in front of my face
shows me that I am needing to grow a better heart
and the sooner the better
yesterday I was in great form at the nursing home
making Uncle Don laugh
and singing up a storm with him and Bryan
the m-i-l was a half-step behind it all
and I need to be ok with that
I will make an appointment with my therapist
and talk this stuff out
there is usually more to it than meets the immediate eye
thin ice
without skates on
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
and the seasons they go round and round
on the carousel of time
a few blog messages ago a comment was posted
that I would have missed if not for the convenient fact
that all comments are emailed to me in my inbox
so even if someone responded to a post from last year
I would get a heads-up and not miss it
someone was searching for a "Gloria Page"
who wrote in his travel journal - 29 years ago!
was it possible that it was me?
it was in Chicago. Greyhound bus station.
I took out a paper and pencil and figured that would be
1983
I was in Chicago at that time
I was married so my last name would be Page
I had no memory of signing in a journal
but it sounded like something I would wish I would have done
for a young traveler!
This person was searching, and even had contacted North Light Books
they do not have my newest address most likely
so that went nowhere
and so searching in other ways
found his way to this blog
I asked Peter if he wouldn't mind scanning the entry
if I saw my handwriting that would be clear
he also mentioned that "Gloria Page" did a little drawing
he thought of it as the "four winds"
the scan came and I could see immediately - YES - it was
a connection from half a lifetime ago, literally
I am 58
29 years ago I was 29
I used to take buses from time to time to get around
the Midwest when I didn't feel like driving
(Greyhound was still big in those days. I had taken the bus
from New Mexico to Connecticut and back again in earlier years...)
Peter told me he had just been dropped off at the bus station
by his parents who were from Upstate New York
huge backpack, a guitar in tow
I am sure I was reminded of my own escapades a little less than a decade
before
He remembers that I asked if he were writing a journal.
He took it out and it was a clean slate
so I wrote in it:
"To Peter~
I hope that your journey will be deep and high!
Receive a lot and always remember to give it away
to make room for more.
The world and you will be better for it~
Gloria Page..."
and I drew a little sketch of a New Mexican zia sun,
like on the New Mexico state flag
with two birds
that was my symbol for years and years
always a sun and two birds
Peter David Wilder is a writer who lives in New York state
he is also a science teacher in high school
he is going to write a third book and it is going to be about
that 5-month journey he took 29 years ago
he has asked me to consider doing the cover artwork
I am sending him my North Light book so he can see
what I have done and if there is something he likes
we will go from there
an Alaskan artist friend of his - they met on that long ago trip -
encouraged him to try to contact me earlier than later
before finishing the book in case our interaction might
open something up...
I am very moved to make a new friend from a long time ago
a hello and goodbye wave into the future
the new TV show "Touch" has got me hooked
and this really is a real life "Touch" experience
Peter said that in his search for "Gloria Page"
he came across an old blog that I had started and abandoned in 2007
when he realized cancer may be in the picture
he wondered if I no longer was in the picture
glad to say that I am still around
writing a little blurb in a young person's travel journal
so long ago
little things that we do that touch another person's life
like Peter trying to find me
mean so much
so so much
he has a blog, too, and two books in print
peterdavidwilder
I am very open to what I will learn from this person
to receive from this new friendship
and to give it away
making room for more
the world and me - we are better for it.
a few blog messages ago a comment was posted
that I would have missed if not for the convenient fact
that all comments are emailed to me in my inbox
so even if someone responded to a post from last year
I would get a heads-up and not miss it
someone was searching for a "Gloria Page"
who wrote in his travel journal - 29 years ago!
was it possible that it was me?
it was in Chicago. Greyhound bus station.
I took out a paper and pencil and figured that would be
1983
I was in Chicago at that time
I was married so my last name would be Page
I had no memory of signing in a journal
but it sounded like something I would wish I would have done
for a young traveler!
This person was searching, and even had contacted North Light Books
they do not have my newest address most likely
so that went nowhere
and so searching in other ways
found his way to this blog
I asked Peter if he wouldn't mind scanning the entry
if I saw my handwriting that would be clear
he also mentioned that "Gloria Page" did a little drawing
he thought of it as the "four winds"
the scan came and I could see immediately - YES - it was
a connection from half a lifetime ago, literally
I am 58
29 years ago I was 29
I used to take buses from time to time to get around
the Midwest when I didn't feel like driving
(Greyhound was still big in those days. I had taken the bus
from New Mexico to Connecticut and back again in earlier years...)
Peter told me he had just been dropped off at the bus station
by his parents who were from Upstate New York
huge backpack, a guitar in tow
I am sure I was reminded of my own escapades a little less than a decade
before
He remembers that I asked if he were writing a journal.
He took it out and it was a clean slate
so I wrote in it:
"To Peter~
I hope that your journey will be deep and high!
Receive a lot and always remember to give it away
to make room for more.
The world and you will be better for it~
Gloria Page..."
and I drew a little sketch of a New Mexican zia sun,
like on the New Mexico state flag
with two birds
that was my symbol for years and years
always a sun and two birds
Peter David Wilder is a writer who lives in New York state
he is also a science teacher in high school
he is going to write a third book and it is going to be about
that 5-month journey he took 29 years ago
he has asked me to consider doing the cover artwork
I am sending him my North Light book so he can see
what I have done and if there is something he likes
we will go from there
an Alaskan artist friend of his - they met on that long ago trip -
encouraged him to try to contact me earlier than later
before finishing the book in case our interaction might
open something up...
I am very moved to make a new friend from a long time ago
a hello and goodbye wave into the future
the new TV show "Touch" has got me hooked
and this really is a real life "Touch" experience
Peter said that in his search for "Gloria Page"
he came across an old blog that I had started and abandoned in 2007
when he realized cancer may be in the picture
he wondered if I no longer was in the picture
glad to say that I am still around
writing a little blurb in a young person's travel journal
so long ago
little things that we do that touch another person's life
like Peter trying to find me
mean so much
so so much
he has a blog, too, and two books in print
peterdavidwilder
I am very open to what I will learn from this person
to receive from this new friendship
and to give it away
making room for more
the world and me - we are better for it.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
time will tell
last night Gary was in a very serious quiet mood
and he said that he had some not very good news to share
I felt sick
he said that at work
a meeting was called of all employees
and that is usually good there
but not this time
apparently the international headquarters in France
has made some big shifts in the US structure
and a facility in Cedar Rapids is closing down
and major accounts are shifting around involving Mexico
bottom line: there will be up to 70 jobs in limbo here in Missouri
this process will be over a period of time, a year-plus or so
and there are many people who will be taking
earlier than planned retirement, etc
but the tension is in the air
and it was hard to breathe last night
I am relieved that at least we didn't know this
during the past week
it would have been a cloud
and I am holding on to the sunshine we did experience
to be worried about it endlessly would be wasteful
of time and emotion
and energy best spent toward building something
rather than being afraid
now that Bryan has become a college man
and will be working as well
that will help
and it frees me up to re-look at my job
and potential work hours expanded
a part of me thinks
why am I not doing something art related
to help with finances?
can't I get my act together now?
isn't this a wake-up call
if there ever was one?
my motivation needs to be clear
I need to be able to physically follow through
with what I set in motion...
this is an opportunity if I see it that way I guess
my concern is Gary right now
so much rests on his shoulders
and right now I need to rally Brandon (he has not heard)
and Bryan and my best strongest self
to make sure he is not feeling alone
on this road
at this moment
Bryan is sitting across the dining room table
from me
writing thank you cards
to his high school principal and guidance counselors
for all they gave to him and us
it is moving to read his words
and reflect on what has been given
and planted
and what will bloom from all of it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and he said that he had some not very good news to share
I felt sick
he said that at work
a meeting was called of all employees
and that is usually good there
but not this time
apparently the international headquarters in France
has made some big shifts in the US structure
and a facility in Cedar Rapids is closing down
and major accounts are shifting around involving Mexico
bottom line: there will be up to 70 jobs in limbo here in Missouri
this process will be over a period of time, a year-plus or so
and there are many people who will be taking
earlier than planned retirement, etc
but the tension is in the air
and it was hard to breathe last night
I am relieved that at least we didn't know this
during the past week
it would have been a cloud
and I am holding on to the sunshine we did experience
to be worried about it endlessly would be wasteful
of time and emotion
and energy best spent toward building something
rather than being afraid
now that Bryan has become a college man
and will be working as well
that will help
and it frees me up to re-look at my job
and potential work hours expanded
a part of me thinks
why am I not doing something art related
to help with finances?
can't I get my act together now?
isn't this a wake-up call
if there ever was one?
my motivation needs to be clear
I need to be able to physically follow through
with what I set in motion...
this is an opportunity if I see it that way I guess
my concern is Gary right now
so much rests on his shoulders
and right now I need to rally Brandon (he has not heard)
and Bryan and my best strongest self
to make sure he is not feeling alone
on this road
at this moment
Bryan is sitting across the dining room table
from me
writing thank you cards
to his high school principal and guidance counselors
for all they gave to him and us
it is moving to read his words
and reflect on what has been given
and planted
and what will bloom from all of it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, May 21, 2012
how it came to be
thanks so much for the loving responses
yes, it was quite something to make it to this point
in life
I remember sitting and crying when the prognosis
of 7 months to 7 years was handed out
as a death sentence
while wiping away tears
I was fumbling with my fingers under the countertop
counting the months to Brandon's high school graduation
and wondering if I would be there...
yes, there was hell to go through
and I would do it again
and WILL do it again
trying to get to 4 years from now
when Brandon will graduate once again
the next time with a doctorate
and Bryan with his Bachelor's degree
I am willing to do whatever it takes to get there
to make the utmost effort
and pray that the technology advances along with the
ticking clock
this last chemo I have been on is really new
and very effective and strong
I took it for about 6 months and it had powerful effects
and also takes its toll on bone marrow
so I am on a chemo vacation (about 4 months now)
and next month we will see if the numbers are holding
and I can extend the break or get back on that chemo
for however long
one day at a time usually is about what I can handle
and this past week has brought so much into perspective
I have been a cancer survivor/navigator for 5 1/2 years
I went past the median of 3 1/2
so I am in rare territory and grateful
to be able to say it
share it
live it
love it
how did Bryan manage to get into Columbia College?
his hard work over years, good testing abilities
and willpower and willingness to work for it
come to mind!
from Columbia College, he received 70% of tuition
he scrambled and did tutoring for 50 hours to earn
an A+ Scholarship from the state of Missouri that
Columbia College recognizes with money for four years
after our huge disappointment experience
about a week after that,
a letter came in the mail... from National Merit Scholarship Foundation
we had forgotten that Bryan had applied for a scholarship
from them, a special national scholarship funded by
Schneider Electric/Square D where Gary is employed
it was way back in the fall
when Gary was approached by someone at work
who mentioned about the scholarship
and there were lots and lots of hoops to jump through
and we jumped
Gary had remembered about it and figured the deadline had
passed us by, until he and Bryan opened the letter:
AMAZING!
Bryan was awarded a very large scholarship renewable
for four years
and that amount plus pell grant money from the state
pretty much cover full tuition at the school!
we need to work out the final details of it all
but whatever it is, it is a miracle
a miracle that he worked many years for
and he is very satisfied in a deep way
if he does need to add to the tuition we will be able
to do that with a fund set up several years ago...
he also got a student job at the College!
in the Admissions Office
he went today to fill out paperwork
they waived the need for an interview because so many
people at the College were happy to vouch for him
he got his student ID and parking permit today
and starts work for the summer job next week
the job goes through to the whole school year as well
and he will be paid directly so he can take care
of his personal life needs
like gas in the "new" old car he just "bought" from
his Missouri grandma (2002 Toyota Corolla with 22,000 miles)
and the car still smells like it is new
what a week this has been
it has been shared with lovely people
I am so happy for Brandon and Bryan
I am happy for Gary and me
it is good to make these stories
and I am determined to appreciate every single moment more
how things came to be
how things are becoming
pure and simple
straight from the heart
to another heart
and the ripple effects are cosmically quiet
running deep
and dynamic
moving us closer & closer
yes, it was quite something to make it to this point
in life
I remember sitting and crying when the prognosis
of 7 months to 7 years was handed out
as a death sentence
while wiping away tears
I was fumbling with my fingers under the countertop
counting the months to Brandon's high school graduation
and wondering if I would be there...
yes, there was hell to go through
and I would do it again
and WILL do it again
trying to get to 4 years from now
when Brandon will graduate once again
the next time with a doctorate
and Bryan with his Bachelor's degree
I am willing to do whatever it takes to get there
to make the utmost effort
and pray that the technology advances along with the
ticking clock
this last chemo I have been on is really new
and very effective and strong
I took it for about 6 months and it had powerful effects
and also takes its toll on bone marrow
so I am on a chemo vacation (about 4 months now)
and next month we will see if the numbers are holding
and I can extend the break or get back on that chemo
for however long
one day at a time usually is about what I can handle
and this past week has brought so much into perspective
I have been a cancer survivor/navigator for 5 1/2 years
I went past the median of 3 1/2
so I am in rare territory and grateful
to be able to say it
share it
live it
love it
how did Bryan manage to get into Columbia College?
his hard work over years, good testing abilities
and willpower and willingness to work for it
come to mind!
from Columbia College, he received 70% of tuition
he scrambled and did tutoring for 50 hours to earn
an A+ Scholarship from the state of Missouri that
Columbia College recognizes with money for four years
after our huge disappointment experience
about a week after that,
a letter came in the mail... from National Merit Scholarship Foundation
we had forgotten that Bryan had applied for a scholarship
from them, a special national scholarship funded by
Schneider Electric/Square D where Gary is employed
it was way back in the fall
when Gary was approached by someone at work
who mentioned about the scholarship
and there were lots and lots of hoops to jump through
and we jumped
Gary had remembered about it and figured the deadline had
passed us by, until he and Bryan opened the letter:
AMAZING!
Bryan was awarded a very large scholarship renewable
for four years
and that amount plus pell grant money from the state
pretty much cover full tuition at the school!
we need to work out the final details of it all
but whatever it is, it is a miracle
a miracle that he worked many years for
and he is very satisfied in a deep way
if he does need to add to the tuition we will be able
to do that with a fund set up several years ago...
he also got a student job at the College!
in the Admissions Office
he went today to fill out paperwork
they waived the need for an interview because so many
people at the College were happy to vouch for him
he got his student ID and parking permit today
and starts work for the summer job next week
the job goes through to the whole school year as well
and he will be paid directly so he can take care
of his personal life needs
like gas in the "new" old car he just "bought" from
his Missouri grandma (2002 Toyota Corolla with 22,000 miles)
and the car still smells like it is new
what a week this has been
it has been shared with lovely people
I am so happy for Brandon and Bryan
I am happy for Gary and me
it is good to make these stories
and I am determined to appreciate every single moment more
how things came to be
how things are becoming
pure and simple
straight from the heart
to another heart
and the ripple effects are cosmically quiet
running deep
and dynamic
moving us closer & closer
Sunday, May 20, 2012
so many stories
since last writing
so many stories
I could not sit myself down to reflect
it was all about getting through
getting focused
trying to make things work
even now, I struggle with the words of it all
because I do not want to miss the opportunity
to share it
yet the very act of trying to "capture" the dreams
of things past
has its almost-pain...
no words are there enough
in-those-moments-enough
if I had to distill it all into a handful of symbols on a page
I would gently pick up the cards written
by two sons
to each other
their graduation cards that Bryan signed for Brandon
and Brandon signed for Bryan
what they said to each other was more important
than all the speeches we have heard
at all the ceremonies
of a lifetime
it has been such an incredibly meaningful time
so unbelievably busy to the point
of a blur
there were piles of papers on tables all over the place
and we just did our best to keep on top of what
needed to be done next
there were times when it felt
like running the bases
sliding into most of them
and the score didn't matter
just to keep playing
get up to bat
and swing away
baseball has never been my game
watching
The Rookie today, guess that affected the vocab
Brandon is a college graduate
Bryan is a high school graduate
they are moving forward
with so much hope and support
and I am grateful to so many people
who shared this time with us in many ways
there are shiny balloons in the house
there are streamers and more balloons outside for one more night
and there are photos to testify to the fact that
this has all been "real"
even though I still wake up in the morning
and wonder
is it true?
yes, we lived this together
5-12-12 Brandon graduated from the University of Missouri
with a Bachelor of Health Science degree
5-19-12 Bryan graduated from David H. Hickman High School
and is enrolled at Columbia College
5-16-12 they celebrated their 22nd and 18th birthdays
watching 409 students with Brandon
and 558 students with Bryan
was so moving
and they all move forward in their lives
as do I
with a sense of happy quiet warmth
and when I remember those moments
of standing up and cheering with my whole self
for their accomplishments past
and especially for their futures ahead
I am honored to call them
my sons
"I am such a lucky Mom" I have said that countless times
"I am such a lucky boy" I have heard countless times
from two men
now
so many stories
I could not sit myself down to reflect
it was all about getting through
getting focused
trying to make things work
even now, I struggle with the words of it all
because I do not want to miss the opportunity
to share it
yet the very act of trying to "capture" the dreams
of things past
has its almost-pain...
no words are there enough
in-those-moments-enough
if I had to distill it all into a handful of symbols on a page
I would gently pick up the cards written
by two sons
to each other
their graduation cards that Bryan signed for Brandon
and Brandon signed for Bryan
what they said to each other was more important
than all the speeches we have heard
at all the ceremonies
of a lifetime
it has been such an incredibly meaningful time
so unbelievably busy to the point
of a blur
there were piles of papers on tables all over the place
and we just did our best to keep on top of what
needed to be done next
there were times when it felt
like running the bases
sliding into most of them
and the score didn't matter
just to keep playing
get up to bat
and swing away
baseball has never been my game
watching
The Rookie today, guess that affected the vocab
Brandon is a college graduate
Bryan is a high school graduate
they are moving forward
with so much hope and support
and I am grateful to so many people
who shared this time with us in many ways
there are shiny balloons in the house
there are streamers and more balloons outside for one more night
and there are photos to testify to the fact that
this has all been "real"
even though I still wake up in the morning
and wonder
is it true?
yes, we lived this together
5-12-12 Brandon graduated from the University of Missouri
with a Bachelor of Health Science degree
5-19-12 Bryan graduated from David H. Hickman High School
and is enrolled at Columbia College
5-16-12 they celebrated their 22nd and 18th birthdays
watching 409 students with Brandon
and 558 students with Bryan
was so moving
and they all move forward in their lives
as do I
with a sense of happy quiet warmth
and when I remember those moments
of standing up and cheering with my whole self
for their accomplishments past
and especially for their futures ahead
I am honored to call them
my sons
"I am such a lucky Mom" I have said that countless times
"I am such a lucky boy" I have heard countless times
from two men
now
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