time will tell

last night Gary was in a very serious quiet mood
and he said that he had some not very good news to share
I felt sick
he said that at work
a meeting was called of all employees
and that is usually good there
but not this time

apparently the international headquarters in France
has made some big shifts in the US structure
and a facility in Cedar Rapids is closing down
and major accounts are shifting around involving Mexico
bottom line: there will be up to 70 jobs in limbo here in Missouri

this process will be over a period of time, a year-plus or so
and there are many people who will be taking
earlier than planned retirement, etc
but the tension is in the air
and it was hard to breathe last night

I am relieved that at least we didn't know this
during the past week
it would have been a cloud
and I am holding on to the sunshine we did experience

to be worried about it endlessly would be wasteful
of time and emotion
and energy best spent toward building something
rather than being afraid

now that Bryan has become a college man
and will be working as well
that will help
and it frees me up to re-look at my job
and potential work hours expanded

a part of me thinks
why am I not doing something art related
to help with finances?
can't I get my act together now?
isn't this a wake-up call
if there ever was one?

my motivation needs to be clear
I need to be able to physically follow through
with what I set in motion...
this is an opportunity if I see it that way I guess

my concern is Gary right now
so much rests on his shoulders
and right now I need to rally Brandon (he has not heard)
and Bryan and my best strongest self
to make sure he is not feeling alone
on this road

at this moment
Bryan is sitting across the dining room table
from me
writing thank you cards
to his high school principal and guidance counselors
for all they gave to him and us
it is moving to read his words
and reflect on what has been given
and planted
and what will bloom from all of it
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