how it came to be

thanks so much for the loving responses
yes, it was quite something to make it to this point
in life
I remember sitting and crying when the prognosis
of 7 months to 7 years was handed out
as a death sentence
while wiping away tears
I was fumbling with my fingers under the countertop
counting the months to Brandon's high school graduation
and wondering if I would be there...

yes, there was hell to go through
and I would do it again
and WILL do it again
trying to get to 4 years from now
when Brandon will graduate once again
the next time with a doctorate
and Bryan with his Bachelor's degree
I am willing to do whatever it takes to get there
to make the utmost effort
and pray that the technology advances along with the
ticking clock

this last chemo I have been on is really new
and very effective and strong
I took it for about 6 months and it had powerful effects
and also takes its toll on bone marrow
so I am on a chemo vacation (about 4 months now)
and next month we will see if the numbers are holding
and I can extend the break or get back on that chemo
for however long

one day at a time usually is about what I can handle
and this past week has brought so much into perspective

I have been a cancer survivor/navigator for 5 1/2 years
I went past the median of 3 1/2
so I am in rare territory and grateful
to be able to say it
share it

live it

love it

how did Bryan manage to get into Columbia College?
his hard work over years, good testing abilities
and willpower and willingness to work for it
come to mind!

from Columbia College, he received 70% of tuition
he scrambled and did tutoring for 50 hours to earn
an A+ Scholarship from the state of Missouri that
Columbia College recognizes with money for four years
after our huge disappointment experience
about a week after that,
a letter came in the mail... from National Merit Scholarship Foundation
we had forgotten that Bryan had applied for a scholarship
from them, a special national scholarship funded by
Schneider Electric/Square D where Gary is employed
it was way back in the fall
when Gary was approached by someone at work
who mentioned about the scholarship
and there were lots and lots of hoops to jump through
and we jumped

Gary had remembered about it and figured the deadline had
passed us by, until he and Bryan opened the letter:
AMAZING!
Bryan was awarded a very large scholarship renewable
for four years
and that amount plus pell grant money from the state
pretty much cover full tuition at the school!
we need to work out the final details of it all
but whatever it is, it is a miracle
a miracle that he worked many years for
and he is very satisfied in a deep way
if he does need to add to the tuition we will be able
to do that with a fund set up several years ago...

he also got a student job at the College!
in the Admissions Office
he went today to fill out paperwork
they waived the need for an interview because so many
people at the College were happy to vouch for him
he got his student ID and parking permit today
and starts work for the summer job next week
the job goes through to the whole school year as well
and he will be paid directly so he can take care
of his personal life needs
like gas in the "new" old car he just "bought" from
his Missouri grandma (2002 Toyota Corolla with 22,000 miles)
and the car still smells like it is new

what a week this has been
it has been shared with lovely people
I am so happy for Brandon and Bryan
I am happy for Gary and me
it is good to make these stories
and I am determined to appreciate every single moment more

how things came to be
how things are becoming
pure and simple
straight from the heart
to another heart
and the ripple effects are cosmically quiet
running deep
and dynamic
moving us closer & closer