moving

I cannot believe this is happening but it is
our landlord came over today
he is such a great guy
I could tell something was up as soon as I saw him
but it took a few minutes to focus

a long story short
his son's family needs to move back to Missouri from Nevada
where a business venture did not go well...
this was their home before they left

we had exactly one year to the day left on our lease
it did not take me more than a few minutes past my restrained tears
to know what was the right and only thing to do

and so we move and it has to happen quickly
since they will be returning on August 1st

he was so aplologetic and I know he feels very bad about
asking us
and he told us we have the right to say we do not want to move yet, etc...
I lost it after he left and realized that what my initial
feeling in myself was: a sense of a lack of success
a failure to own our own home
that puts us at the mercy of circumstances

I went outside and opened a can of paint and started painting things
I have been thinking about painting
so I would just stop thinking and just do it
turquoise birdhouse
turquoise basket turquoise other basket and little box thingie
I threw some turquoise paint on a swing and on a table
and stopped when I was turquoised out of my mind

Bryan came out on the deck to take care of Mom

Gary was already looking for places online
and so we made an evening of it, driving around, round one

I called the landlord and he was very moved and will help us
he wanted me to take a few days to really think it over
but I don't need that much time
a few minutes sufficed earlier
there will be some kind of financial compensation I guess that's how these things are handled
and he will get a very good realtor who works with rentals
to help us starting tomorow

what can I say after Joplin?

I haven't really pulled myself together here since we moved in
and now it is time to move out
I will look for the upside and live there
Bryan will be my point man always all ways

funny, yesterday I went all out washing even the front door
and the whole entryway
I spent a lot of cleaning time
more than I am usually able to pull off consecutively
guess I am preparing for the marathon ahead
we will get help because Gary simply cannot do the level
of physical moving he did last time
I think we will form a temporary "company" and hire
friends of the boys...

I wish I had handled my initial response better
I was good while the landlord was here
then fell apart
it was like I could see who I wanted to be
this strong woman who could carry this for all of us
smile and do the right thing with energy and faith-forward
well, going outside to turquoise half the planet
was better than burying my head under pillows
I'll give myself that much

it made me appreciate Bryan and Gary even more
they are worried about my health through a big move
being on a chemo break now puts me in a much better position than last time
for sure, no question
Bryan is completely confident that I can make a home anywhere
so I will go along with him and do just that