a long long time

since hearing that we needed to move
time took on a strange life of its own
finding a place to rent was getting very rough
and the waters swirling all over seemed to never
pool in a smooth place for very long

the houses available were the houses that
were not the one on the street that you
hoped it would be
oh why does it have to be the one that needs the
most work?
I tried to wrap my head around making sense
out of anything that might possibly work

I can do this
I can fix that
we can ask for a lower price
maybe
the backyards were a mess or non-existent
my mind was stretching extremely far
Gary and Bryan were keeping pace better than
I was
and they encouraged me to see past what we were seeing
Hasn't that been a specialty of mine all these years?
What is wrong with me, why am I not the vision-maker I thought I was?
there was a point when
we kept seeing the prices going up and up
and the places correspondingly going down and down
and it all culminated in a drive together
to a "house" in Prathersville nearby on E. Tower Road
I believe it was east but that didn't matter

we were all stunned into laughter
it was so ridiculous
what the description was in print to the high rent
for such a low budget junky place IN REALITY
with a huge water tower at the end of the bumpiest road
since our romantic memory days in Guatemala!
this had no romance in it whatsoever
but it felt so good to laugh our asses off
to release some of the building sense of fear and gloom and doom
that we knew we had to shed
in order to persevere under the time gun
of finding a new place to live

in my mind
I stretched myself to keep believing that all would work out
the stretching was working at times
and wearing me down at other times
I do not want to be defeated by this
I want to rise to the occasion
if only occasionally
enough to be part of the team we have to be
to get to a new place
on many levels...

after weeks of searching
a phone call came that changed everything
Gary's sister who lives in Florida
called
she has wanted to buy real estate here in Columbia
for years as an investment
she would look around whenever they visited
I knew that yet not for even one second did I connect
that with our present situation
well, they did

she and her husband
want to buy a house and we will become the renters
who will be ever so grateful
and will take excellent care of their house/our next home
the gears shifted
it was a total screeching halt new direction experience

the next day I went to work and after taking care
of my elderly client for the morning
found myself overwhelmed and sick to my stomach
the stress that had been building just snapped
so I called in sick for the office part of my afternoon
and just collapsed
and began to regroup

working with a great realtor
we are looking for a house within the budget
and have seen a number of houses
one stands out so far
and will see many more this week
this must all happen within a relatively short time
since it takes about five weeks to pull it all together
once we all make a choice together

his sister was great about it:
"...so have fun, guys! Go online and shop for a house!"...
I hold onto that sentiment
I do feel serious about it all as this is an investment
for them in the long run
...

and and and and
Brandon flew from Sarajevo and is back!
what a transformative time for him
his stories are rich
his photos are treasures
the souvenirs that he bought us are so reflective
the letter sent to me from Mahdi's Mom
moved me so deeply
I starter to read it out loud while we were sitting
on the floor together
I started crying and handed the letter to him to read
and he got all choked up
and so we went back and forth
until we completed the note with such heart
handwritten by my first son's first love
as her mother shared her thoughts in another language
and yet the language of love
transcends all barriers
it was a note from one mother to another
speaking about the children we love
and our happiness for who they are as individuals
and who they are now together
it is a lovely handmade card
form two lovely women in a faraway land
not so far really
because I can hug the same young man
they embraced then in the flesh
and now in their hearts

to hear Brandon and Bryan laughing together is my music
my greatest joy
he came back on Thursday night
and wanted to stay at our place rather than his apartment
culture shock is one way to describe his process
talk about being stretched!
how wonderful that he was here
last night
when Bryan went on his first official date
and his first kiss!
my boys are very open OMG sometimes I wonder WHY!
we tease Brandon that he is like Will Smith's character
in the movie "Hitch"... the true love coach

and so we continue today looking at houses
and in the big picture
what truly matters is who we are becoming
whatever the address on the envelopes...